To Wallow

wal·low/ˈwälō/

Verb: (chiefly of large mammals) Roll about or lie relaxed in mud or water, esp. to keep cool, avoid biting insects, or spread scent.


I will feel worthy in 10 months
Of whomever I want
And my real self
That is more than deserving
Will be able to have
Who I want

Because of my insecurity
Of my outward appearance
I try too hard
And put women off
It's literally me saying through actions
"LOOK! I KNOW I LOOK LIKE THIS
BUT I'M A GREAT GUY!
I CAN DO ALL THIS STUFF
THAT SHOWS YOU
CAN YOU BEAR WITH ME A SHORT TIME!
I'LL LOOK BETTER SOON!"

So I wallow
As a Large Mammal
In this thick Mud
Keeping cool from the Indian Summer Nights
Feeling like I always punch in a Higher "Weight Class" of women
Than I really deserve
Which is ironic
Given me being the big one,
She the small one.

I wallow
To avoid being bit
Because putting myself out there is so time consuming
So intense
And most often, foolish.
Why would I ever think I could have her?