MY ALBUM PREVIEW, SONG 1: "Ophelia"

In a few short weeks, I will be taking on my most lofty project to date in my music career. My new album is a culmination of the past three years of life in New York City, and needs to be a very large step forward on the path to success. At least, that is the hope.

The whole album, to me, is about hope. Clinging to hope when you feel you have no one, or you are hurt by someone (or by yourself), and about redemption. It's a bit darker in tone than my earlier work, but I think it's more honest to who I am. I have a dark sense of humor, and often portray optimism outwardly as a means of never showing vulnerability. When actually, I am sometimes a real mess with anxiety and negativity.

There is no title for the album yet, as I'm going to wait until we're recording. But for now, each day I will write about a particular song, and give you the back story behind it as best I can.

If you are so inclined to donate towards making my album possible, please visit www.johnschmittalbum.com and it is very easy to make a contribution. Anything you give is humbly accepted and beyond appreciated, and I will make good on even the slightest show of generosity.

So, here goes:

ALBUM PREVIEW - "OPHELIA"

"Ophelia" as a song is a product of a relationship and friendship I had with someone a few years back here in NYC. I had been living here just a short time, and while playing a show to almost no one, she happened to walk in and stay for my set. Afterward, we hit it off, but she was incredibly striking to look at, and intimidatingly smart. Because of that, I resigned that I would try to become her friend, and no more. There is nothing wrong with that, after all.

Well months of very honest emails and meetings up and phone calls culminated in her kissing me. I never imagined it would have happened. It really hit me by surprise. However, I was still a college student in my mind, I was not ready to be with a woman. So, I think we both realized it could not happen, and that our whole "testing the fences of friendship" experiment were not good.

The problem though, and where this all gets messy, is I started to fall in love with her. And I was in love with the idea of what it could mean for me. And because she did not seek out my affections beyond a very, very good friendship, I felt rejected and torn up.

So "Ophelia" is a bit of an over-reaction on my part. It's a response that if I can't have your love, I choose to not have anything else of you. It's weighing what I need and what I want, and deciding that it is time to say goodbye.

It also is a complete and total homage to my favorite piece of theatrical literature, "Hamlet." I read Hamlet in high school, and am to this day fascinated by his choice to fake, or "feign", madness in order to create a protective wall around which he could accomplish his goals. I pulled several images from the play in the song, including:

"Hamlet feigns madness" - we as people, often act out of character when confronted with new love. We say and do things we might not otherwise, because we THINK that is what we ought to do. We pretend to be something we are not. I was incredibly guilty of this.

"Play these plays, say these parts" - much of our interactions with people we desire are choreographed, intricate, and rehearsed. We go to eat, we self-disclose, we even keep a mental tally of where things are in terms of intimacy. Each new "benchmark" (poor word choice, sorry!) marks a more serious commitment. But it's a play, no different than seeing someone perform, say, Shakespeare.

"Kings will kill kings, and marry their Queens" - so often I see people being able to go from one person to the next, burning the proverbial candle at both ends, and yet I never seem to know how that works. I feel often immature, slow, and incomplete at something that so many people are so "good" at. The cycle always continues, too: he loves her, then she loves someone else, then she dumps him and likes his friend, so on and so forth. It's cut-throat and vicious sometimes.

"So Ophelia stepped out into the Great Divide, and decided she'd try to walk on water" - this line is not rooted in reality, meaning it has nothing to do with my life experience. In fact, a friend recommended I talk some about Ophelia drowning herself in Hamlet after he breaks off his engagement and accidentally kills her father. To me, Ophelia doesn't mean to drown herself. It's her only way out. She's a coward and so very weak when it comes to love because she is a hopeless romantic, and believes in all it can become. I think it's to such an extreme that she knew if two people combined with the same desperation, she may kill Hamlet and drown him with her.
She needs to be alone thinking that she's walking on water. Everyone else sees she's drowning. Then, she realizes she is drowning and love is lost. She keeps walking.

Here are the lyrics to "Ophelia":

Hamlet to Ophelia, "Adieu, love, adieu."
Echoes through millennia
"Adieu, love, adieu."

We play these plays, and say these parts
While we dance through all these issues in the dark
Feigning madness from the start
As we dance through all these issues in the dark

Hamlet to Ophelia, "Adieu, love, adieu."
Echoes through millennia
"Adieu, love, adieu."

I just can't take the stage and say these parts
While we dance through all these issues in the dark
Feigning madness from the start
We dance through all these issues in the dark

Because Kings will kill Kings
And marry their Queens
But love always seems
to be lost on me.

And so to my Ophelia, "adieu, love, adieu."
It echoes through my heart and lungs
"Adieu, love adieu"

Adieu, love, adieu, love love love love love

So Ophelia stepped out into the Great Divide
And decided she'd try to walk on water
Because Kings will kill Kings
And marry their Queens
But love always seems
To be lost on me
Oh, you're lost on me.

So the song is pretty loaded. And rooted in my own life, just like the other songs on the album. It will have this amazing drum beat and beautiful acoustic guitar lines, and perhaps a fretless or upright bass.

Thanks for reading my album preview! Nine more to go! Please visit www.johnschmittalbum.com should you wish to contribute!

John