You could look inside and see what's on my mind.
I write today awake and healthy. After travelling for 39.5 hours this weekend, driving a total of 1450 miles, playing music for a total of 4.5 hours, all on literally 13 hours of total sleep, I am feeling recovered and able to write here.
My record release was great. I don't know how else to put it. So very many people, making me their Friday night, all the record sales, all the good music with me. All the hugs, kisses, handshakes, well-wishes, compliments, stories, laughs, smiles, and drinks. A real homecoming for me.
I felt like I was up there to kick ass. To kick ass with my performance, blow some hair back, and make the room stop.
Fast forward, and a long weekend of travelling. I don't have the wherewithall to write about the release anymore.
I saw Ingy play, with Elliot, Chris, Bess, Allie, Ben, etc. She was great, and her shows sound no different than they used to, which is comforting for me. All the success she's had, and she's still singing the hell out of the songs as if she was playing the Trash Bar in Williamsburg on a Wednesday night for only me and Ryan in the audience. I've seen a much longer ride than most people in attendance last night, and I was so proud of everyone. Positivity. It's not just a great-but-wordy Stevie Wonder song. Ingrid was nice enough to put me on her guest list, so I could get into the show.
I sat up in the rafters, where I prefer to see a show, so I can do what I do best, observe. I kept thinking to myself, shit I could do this. I am just as capable. I play with alot of the same musicians. It wasn't anything negative or envious or jealous, just a realization that I am in the same company and class as this. I may not have yet had my day in the sun, but we are all in the same boat, I can see this kind of generation brewing and growing together. I may not have been with them from the start, and I may not be close to them all, but I know what I am capable of, what is inside me, and where I want to go, and that makes me feel like I belong.
I feel lonely quite often these days. I know precisely why, but there's little to nothing I can do. No quick fixes anymore, no half-assed attempts at kidding myself. It's time to rejoin the forces down there, the ones I can honestly say I grew comfortable around for so long. Toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble.
The songs I'm writing now keep topping each other. I'm very excited about getting them with the band. Who knows how it will all sound. "Stones," my newest one, already got really gratious and sincerely positive reviews in Canada, so I am optimistic that others will enjoy it. I wrote the end part for Elliot, not in a lyrical sense, but literally writing the piece of music, lyrics, and vibe to go along with a type of drumming he says is most in tune with his spirit. I am hoping he takes my idea, runs with it, shows off a bit in it, and plays almost animalistic and as natural as possible.
I wish I could rehearse with them all day. Like right now. WHAM into a song. It feels awfully good. Soon enough.
Probably won't write again until after Christmas, but who knows. Merry Christmas to you. Remember God is right by you, in the space between your Christmas sweater and your hairy tummy. Be thankful for your life, health, and wonderful people. And, take a moment to catch your breath.
John
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