“Purgatory”

Dante shrugged his shoulders once more

Mountain-climbing;

“I still cast a shadow here,

And I never thought I’d miss my little home.”

Oh, the Mystery of this History -

Of finding Comrades, Fallen Fathers

Ever-terrified they might be left alone.

The light shines through each one

And one and one alike they bear their souls

And yet, his pilgrimage is just begun

For Dante is not ready to disclose.

John Frum

Cascade
is always a catchy word to start off with
When you don't know where to begin.
This has been the toughest stretch of my life
Since Grandpa passed
16 years ago
My family still hurts
The way a cut that is tightly bound by stitch
From an untrained clinical fellow or resident doctor
Hurts
Any sort of twitch, any sort of movement
Upsets a very delicate and fragile truce.
You see, I want to bring people together
I do my best
And words said in anger to me
They live with me
They find cracks in my hard shell
And they wear me down
And in my darkest moment of each day
They whisper to me...
"pssst...remember?
I cut you down."

So, look what I've made
A mess of debt, angst,
And doubt
I use the word fool most every day
To describe myself and my actions
And my idea
That I might join the rest of the world
in the middle.

Despite what I let on,
I didn't choose this life
And the way I am
The way I am incapable of acting in a bold, deliberate way
It chose me
And I long for the days from two years ago
Where there was  no lonely, no longing, no frustration
Just naive belief that I could conquer the city
One borough at a time

I send this out to others hurting tonight -
Your life has worth, even now.
Every moment you feel like this
Is a moment you will be overcome with joy
We all get redeemed
Like Jack Sheppard
Like John Locke
And you will, too
Take solace in knowing that, just as in good times,
Everything in the world dies
And unless we know the night
We can never appreciate the sun
Very few things transcend the duality of this world
And this is just your time in the barrel

I swore off dating and anything relating to romance yesterday
The last year have been quite enough.
When I see a woman on the train, or in the street, or wherever
I have a moment where I check them out
And then I immediately remove myself,
Blur my eyes on purpose
And move on.
No more.
It is not for me.
My life is surrounded by love
From my Mom and Dad
Dear friends, and other family
I will always strive to be a good man,
Brother, Son, Friend, and someday Uncle

John Frum is a god for the people
Of an island nation outside of Australia
The natives there believe he
Portrayed as a black US Serviceman
Will return one day,
Much in the same way
The US Armed Forces were present in WW II,
To deliver the precious cargo by airplane
From the heavens
And lead them to a heaven-on-earth kind of place
They believe he lives in the island Volcano
And they throw a parade for him every year
Hoping for his return
They try to replicate the same conditions
That brought the cargo to them last time:
Paint "USA" on their chests
Build airfields
Wooden air traffic control towers
Wooden radio headsets
Wires with no signals running through them
Red Cross symbols everywhere
To replicate the things in place
From the last USA occupation
So one day, John Frum would return
Bring precious cargo
And fix all their problems.

I guess that's how I viewed love.
Where my mind
Cherry-picks evidence
To support a desired outcome
For them, it was easier to believe that the control towers
Headsets, and runways were the cause
Of cargo-carrying airplanes rather than an effect
So they closed their minds to alternative explanations
For me
It's easier to believe that something is wrong with me
That my overweight body is so astoundingly pervasive
On women
That they couldn't possibly want to be seen with me
Or that I come on too strong,
That I am not funny enough,
Quick enough,
Too detached, or too engaged
Depending on how it turns out.
I use the conclusion to somehow go back
And explain the events leading up to it
And reject rational things
Like lack of chemistry
Pre-existing friendships
Or, GOD FORBID,
Another perfectly likeable person
Who happens to be a better fit.
So John Frum to me
Is some beautiful, intimidatingly intelligent woman
Who accepts absolutely everything about me
Rejects none of me
And understands all the little ins and outs
Of my strange mind
That has been flying solo for the last 9 years
She desires me
And she meets every single little expectation I have
Like never criticizing me,
Adoring my music,
And still allowing me
To criticize her (out of love!!!)
And to be darkly humorous
And most importantly,
She can be all this after maybe 5-7 dates.

So here I am,
Waiting for heavenly cargo
In the form of a woman
And realizing
That my time is better spent
than waiting for John Frum
I reject the fake airstrips
The fake control towers
And I remove my wooden headset
And I go back to work,
Excited for you all to hear my greatest work to-date
My opus
"Ophelia"
In all it's might
And all it's sensitivity
And pray that it moves you
To turn towards yourself
To live well
And to stop waiting for volcanos
To shoot out someone to fix everything.

No More

from "No More," from the musical "Into the Woods" by Stephen Sondheim

BAKER

No more questions,

Please.

No more tests.

Comes the day you say, "What for?"

Please- no more.

MYSTERIOUS MAN

They disappoint,

They disappear,

They die but they don't...

BAKER

What?

MYSTERIOUS MAN

They disappoint

In turn, I fear.

Forgive, though, they won't...

BAKER

No more riddles.

No more jests.

No more curses you can't undo,

Left by fathers you never knew.

No more quests.

No more feelings.

Time to shut the door.

Just- no more.

To Be Where I Was

[[Dot]]

It's good to see you.  Not that I ever forgot you, George.  You gave me so much.

[[George]]

What did I give you?

[[Dot]]

Oh, many things.  You taught me about concentration.  At first, I thought that meant just being still, but I was to understand it meant much more.  You meant to tell me to be where I was, not some place in the past or future.  I worried too much about tomorrow; I thought the world could be perfect.  I was wrong.

[[George]]

What else?

[[Dot]]

Oh, enough about me.  What about you? Are you working on something new? 

[[George]]
No

[[Dot]]
That is not like you, George

[[George]]
I've nothing to say

[[Dot]]
You have many things

[[George]]
Well, nothing that's not been said

[[Dot]]
Said by you, though. George

[[George]]
I do not know where to go

[[Dot]]
And nor did I

[[George]]
I want to make things that count,
Things that will be new...

[[Dot]]
I did what I had to do...

[[George]]
What am I to do?

[[Dot]]
Move on...

Stop worrying where you're going-
Move on
If you can know where you're going
You've gone
Just keep moving on

I chose, and my world was shaken-
So what?
The choice may have been mistaken,
The choosing was not
You have to move on

Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be-
Look at all the things you've done for me


Opened up my eyes,
Taught me how to see,
Notice every tree-

[[George]]
Notice every tree...

[[Dot]]
Understand the light-

[[George]]
...Understand the light...

[[Dot]]
Concentrate on now-

[[George]]
I want to move on
I want to explore the light
I want to know how to get through,
Through to something new,
Something of my own-

[[Both]]
Move on
Move on

[[Dot]]
Stop worrying it your vision
Is new
Let others make that decision-
They usually do
You keep moving on

[[George]]
Something in the light...

 [[Dot]]
 ...Look at what you've done,...

 [[George]]
...Something in the sky,...

 [[Dot]]
 ...Then at what you want,...

 [[George]]
...In the grass,...

 [[Dot]]
 ...Not at where you are,...

 [[George]]
...Up behind the trees...

 [[Dot]]
 ...What you'll be...

 [[George]]
...Things I hadn't looked at...

 [[Dot]]
 ...Look at all the things...

 [[George]]
...Till now...

 [[Dot]]
 ...You gave to me...

 [[George]]
...Flower in your hat....

 [[Dot]]
... Let me give to you...

 [[George]]
...And your smile...

 [[Dot]]
 ...Something in return...

 [[George]]
...And the color of your hair....

[[Dot]]
...I would be so pleased...

[[George]]
And the way you catch the light...

And the care
And the feeling
And the life
Moving on

[[Dot]]
Just keep moving on
Anything you do
Let it come from you
Then it will be new
Give us more to see...

~"Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George by Stephen Sondheim

George Harrison is my Fav of the 4

"I really wanna see you, Lord
But it takes so long, my Lord"

I have a beautiful, beautiful life
With beautiful, beautiful people
And music
Oh, music
You define me
And remind me.
The medium
That keeps me medium
And brings me back
From wild, flailing swings

"All you need is love"
ALL TOGETHER NOW!
"All you need is love"
EVERYBODY!
"All you need is love, love"
Love is all you need.

Night Prayer

Dearest Lord,
Teach me to be generous.
Teach me to serve You as You deserve.
To give, and not to count the cost,
To fight, and not to heed the wounds,
To toil, and not to seek rest,
To labor, and to ask for no reward.
Save that of knowing that I am doing Your will,
And that You have done the same for me.
Amen.

Hide and Seek

"Hide and Seek" - by Imogen Heap

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

Little Birdies Covered with Oil.

Getting Involved = Accountability for Failure.

Where are you, Mr. President? And why do you seem to only care a little?

Why do we entrust our Gulf of Mexico's life to the foreign British Petroleum, who is attempting to plug a leak at 5,000 pounds per square inch pressure, a mile down?

BP only has experience with 200 psi.  The methods that work at 200 psi are not nearly as effective at 5000 psi.  In particular, the methane gas down there causes tools to freeze and be ineffective.

If this were happening in the Persian Gulf, in Asia, or somewhere in the Mediterranean, you had best believe Obama would have the Navy and whomever else there. 

There have been no convening of experts, of physicists and engineers, to work on a solution at that kind of water pressure.  None.  And British Petroleum is flying by the seats of their pants.  They literally are just guessing. 

And so now 1/3 of the Gulf is a dead zone.  Dead as in no life.  Thank you, Mr. President, for your quick and swift response.

His reaction to questions about him not seeming engaged is almost to be offended.  He claims he could not be more engaged.  He also claims that no one will judge this based on his anger or his perceived anger, but on how well they have solved it.  But, as a President, as MY President, SEEING you upset and present down there helps me and the nation.  It's psychological.  It's the hope you promised.  And the other thing about it: YOU HAVE NOT SOLVED IT!  You have been wishy-washy and soft, and staying out of it for political reasons.  So, we are judging you on the merits you asked for, and thus far, you get an F-.

My overall point is this:  by not actively taking the leak on in an overt, public way (which means getting the Army Corps of Engineers, Navy, and Coast Guard all involved), the Obama administration and Democrats in the House and Congress ARE ABLE TO BLAME BP FOR THE DEVASTATION.  This is a political move FIRST.  It's an absolute shame.  And I AM A DEMOCRAT. 

For Obama, the equation for the Gulf Oil Spill is simple:

Getting Involved = Accountability for Failure

Obama is staying away for that reason.

Here's one more photo, because I am feeling saucy.  And because I think once apathetic Americans see little birdies covered in oil, they might actually be outraged!  Demand action from those in charge of this country!

My Metropolitan

See the post before this to get the original quote I use in my post.  This is from a train ride I took en route to Stonehenge back in 2004:

Crewe=>Bristol=>Bath Spa

Green green and more green -
While the person in front of you sleeps
Grandfather hills
Giving birth to the Appalachia I know
Little white crumbs dot the green-side
Where lay the "bare, ruin'd choirs,
Where late the sweet birds sang"
God is here
God is the Mountain
He looks upon this region from above
As we the Children, the minions, the doers,
live
It is not sunny today, nor is it bright
And the train feels like a funeral home

But how blessed are people to live here
My Metropolitan bleeds out of me
And I think that is why
The English Countryside is so striking
God is here

Bare, Ruin'd Choirs

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.

In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west;
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.

In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.

This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
-W.S.

Untitled, no need for a title

Tried Pinkberry for the first time
Original, with Fruity Pebbles, Fresh Strawberries, Fresh Pineapple, and Coconut
Small size
Absolutely delicious

Bought a T-shirt that says:
"I Don't Roll on Shabas"
From the "Big Lebowski"-themed store The Lost World
Which happens to be right around my most-frequented corner
Of Thompson and Bleecker Sts. in the Village

Two rounds of golf
First one VASTLY superior than the second
I can't play well when commiserating with friends
My new putter though is awesome
And the three putts have gone down considerably.

Going home on Friday for a wedding
Seeing Sis's new home
Dad's new apartment
And to hopefully see some friends.

I'll be upstate for most weekends this summer
Something I'm very excited about.

This not intended to be a poem.  Just getting out what I did this weekend, and what's coming down the pike.