A new song I'm writing, seemingly about nothing:
"Caroline the Queen"
I woke up spilling out
Into a chilly day, without much sense
I take all of my best-laid plans
And still feel like a mouse inside a man
I come through
The longest line to see you
Caroline
I hang on every word you say
Caroline
You are the Queen of my Cafe
You are the Dream inside my Day
You've got a certain way
Of transforming the words that leave your lips
Into full-blown liquid gold
That Strangers take with them in sips
I can't make due
With the other girls who replace you
Caroline
I hang on every word you say
Caroline
You are the Queen of my Cafe
You are the Dream inside my Day
Cuz lately mornings take hours
and Days take weeks
But it calms my head just to hear you speak
My drink order to me
(Solo)
Caroline
I hang on every word you say
Caroline
You are the Queen of my Cafe
You are the Dream inside my Day
And when I wake
It's you I see
And I will take
A piece of you with me
December 11, 2009
December 7, 2009
Completely Moved
"John,
Thanks so much for getting back to me. I have been talking with my student about contacting you and apparently my school email was putting your messages in a spam folder. Regardless, glad we are in contact now.
I use the song ["Ophelia"] every year when we act out Hamlet in class. I play the song at the beginning of the unit and the kids usually say something like, "That's a pretty song," and don't quite get the meaning behind it. Then, after the play, I play the song again and they give a collective, "OHHHH" and appreciate the song so much more. We then talk about everyone's hermeneutic and explain that our perceptions of things are determined by the lens through which we view the universe. Specifically with reference to your song, we say that one reason "smart English people" are "smart" is that they know Shakespeare and the universality of the author facilitates their connections to so many other texts.
After doing this lesson for two years and having about 200 students listen to the song, I can say confidently that about 95% of 16 year olds in Michigan love the song. The other 5% probably won't like anything that a teacher gives them. :) I will be sure to share the motivation of your junior HS English class with classes in the future.
After doing this lesson for two years and having about 200 students listen to the song, I can say confidently that about 95% of 16 year olds in Michigan love the song. The other 5% probably won't like anything that a teacher gives them. :) I will be sure to share the motivation of your junior HS English class with classes in the future.
I found your music from listening to Acoustic Long Island. I love that podcast. My wife listens to it once in awhile and she does not have a very large appreciation of music of different genres, much unlike her husband. However, when we go on trips, she always says, "Play that one Ophelia song."
Do you ever play in the greater Detroit area? Have any other teachers contacted you about using your music in class?
Thanks again for the contact.
Aric"
December 2, 2009
REPOST: "Tugboat"
I found this post way down near the middle of my blog, and it is as if another person had written it. I was so in touch with myself and my thoughts then, it's amazing to read it new and re-apply.
Tonight is going to be boring, but wonderful. Pay day has arrived, that means another two days of me saying "don't blow it all this weekend! SAVE SAVE SAVE!" and then Monday comes and I think "what the fuck was I thinking? Did you need all that shit?" lol I make myself laugh. It's like a married couple makes up the duality of my psyche. They truly love each other, but man can they fight. When they're unified and pissed off, look out. I think that's why my temper is so intense, my potential to scorn so drastic. They're never afraid to talk to each other though, and I think that's the beauty of wisdom. Constant colaboration with the soul. Forever adjusting, observing, discussing, thinking, feeling, and finally doing.
Tomorrow I'll be seeing some bands, and then having people over the house to party. I've missed people over our place. It has become such a place of comfort, a caccoon out in the middle of South Brooklyn, a beautiful, thriving, peaceful, spacious home. "The Big Brrrrr" doesn't hurt, either (my room with chilling AC). Saturday is yet another show at Wicked Willy's, with Maia Davies playing from 7-8pm, followed by a set of original music by me from 8-9pm, and then our standard set of fun music from 9-12. I love that I sing so much now, that I play guitar so much now. That it's forced in my hands out of necessity and love blended together. It keeps me honest, it keeps me grounded and forever feeling like a student.
If you're reading this, I miss you. I've not seen so many people in so long, and you all mean so much to me. Meghan told me I make people feel like they're the most important person in the world when I talk to them, but to me, they are. I live in the moment, a nanosecond behind the present on the space/time continuum. The words and feelings and sensations that accompany those I love are things I try to snatch up and cherish, and forever will be that way. It makes me so observant and aware. It makes me feel real things and emotions. The prospect of seeing Eric, Maria, and Jessica next weekend makes me jump. Not to mention my family.
Don't ever be satisfied. Ever. Don't let yourself do that. And don't ever think that you are not worthy of whatever it is you want. It will be drawn towards you once you take ownership of it. And please continue to laugh, it's what gets us by. It's what makes me crave tomorrows."
"So, I'm kinda chugging along today. I went to bed super early, like 9:30, and I woke up so refreshed today. I think I'm starting to find a sleep rhythm for once. Been following the Zen Guitar book I was given, and it's shed light on many things in my life. Self-deprivation gets us nowhere, and will only feed us to follow a different path than The Way. We must take all things in moderation, accepting their risks, enjoying their benefits, and possess the wisdom to put them down, walk away from them, or turn them off.
Tonight is going to be boring, but wonderful. Pay day has arrived, that means another two days of me saying "don't blow it all this weekend! SAVE SAVE SAVE!" and then Monday comes and I think "what the fuck was I thinking? Did you need all that shit?" lol I make myself laugh. It's like a married couple makes up the duality of my psyche. They truly love each other, but man can they fight. When they're unified and pissed off, look out. I think that's why my temper is so intense, my potential to scorn so drastic. They're never afraid to talk to each other though, and I think that's the beauty of wisdom. Constant colaboration with the soul. Forever adjusting, observing, discussing, thinking, feeling, and finally doing.
Tomorrow I'll be seeing some bands, and then having people over the house to party. I've missed people over our place. It has become such a place of comfort, a caccoon out in the middle of South Brooklyn, a beautiful, thriving, peaceful, spacious home. "The Big Brrrrr" doesn't hurt, either (my room with chilling AC). Saturday is yet another show at Wicked Willy's, with Maia Davies playing from 7-8pm, followed by a set of original music by me from 8-9pm, and then our standard set of fun music from 9-12. I love that I sing so much now, that I play guitar so much now. That it's forced in my hands out of necessity and love blended together. It keeps me honest, it keeps me grounded and forever feeling like a student.
If you're reading this, I miss you. I've not seen so many people in so long, and you all mean so much to me. Meghan told me I make people feel like they're the most important person in the world when I talk to them, but to me, they are. I live in the moment, a nanosecond behind the present on the space/time continuum. The words and feelings and sensations that accompany those I love are things I try to snatch up and cherish, and forever will be that way. It makes me so observant and aware. It makes me feel real things and emotions. The prospect of seeing Eric, Maria, and Jessica next weekend makes me jump. Not to mention my family.
Don't ever be satisfied. Ever. Don't let yourself do that. And don't ever think that you are not worthy of whatever it is you want. It will be drawn towards you once you take ownership of it. And please continue to laugh, it's what gets us by. It's what makes me crave tomorrows."
Mighty Wind
I arose this morning completely amazed at the beauty of friendship.
And in essence, the beauty of it all.
Had my friend watch "Unmistaken Child" last night, the documentary on the search for the reincarnation of a Tibetan Buddhist Master by his closest disciple, and it reminded me that there is so much beauty and incredible things I know nothing about.
So many valleys filled with people, so many people praying for the fate of this world, and so much wind pushing air around. A Mighty Wind, "blowing piece and freedom, blowing equality" as they say.
Constructive problem solving, which to me separates real friends from acquaintances, is such a beautiful thing.
"I have a problem, but I want us to arrive at a better place by working through it."
"Me too."
And so two people discuss their differences in opinions, the things they take issue with, and the entire time, in the back of your mind, is the understanding that this foundation is much, much too deep to cause this to come crashing down. It makes tones calm, words are thought about before being said, and honesty is spoken that might not otherwise be spoken.
At the end, they follow up with some sort of "I'm glad, and you're still important to me, and will be."
And WHOOOOSH, the anxiety vanishes. Like a gust of wind. For good. And besides the onset of exhaustion, I march forward down the street and through my Day into an evening of relaxation, music, and laughter.
I wake up refreshed, and eager to leave my home and come on here and write for whomever reads, and myself.
I wake up and am actually comforted by the realization that I will never see so much of what this world offers, even in my own neighborhood, my city, and my country. I am comforted in knowing that those bits I don't see will thrive like the ones I do see. The System, God, the Essense, runs deeper than my own senses, and runs everywhere.
To be here is to be everywhere. I'm comforted by that.
And in essence, the beauty of it all.
Had my friend watch "Unmistaken Child" last night, the documentary on the search for the reincarnation of a Tibetan Buddhist Master by his closest disciple, and it reminded me that there is so much beauty and incredible things I know nothing about.
So many valleys filled with people, so many people praying for the fate of this world, and so much wind pushing air around. A Mighty Wind, "blowing piece and freedom, blowing equality" as they say.
Constructive problem solving, which to me separates real friends from acquaintances, is such a beautiful thing.
"I have a problem, but I want us to arrive at a better place by working through it."
"Me too."
And so two people discuss their differences in opinions, the things they take issue with, and the entire time, in the back of your mind, is the understanding that this foundation is much, much too deep to cause this to come crashing down. It makes tones calm, words are thought about before being said, and honesty is spoken that might not otherwise be spoken.
At the end, they follow up with some sort of "I'm glad, and you're still important to me, and will be."
And WHOOOOSH, the anxiety vanishes. Like a gust of wind. For good. And besides the onset of exhaustion, I march forward down the street and through my Day into an evening of relaxation, music, and laughter.
I wake up refreshed, and eager to leave my home and come on here and write for whomever reads, and myself.
I wake up and am actually comforted by the realization that I will never see so much of what this world offers, even in my own neighborhood, my city, and my country. I am comforted in knowing that those bits I don't see will thrive like the ones I do see. The System, God, the Essense, runs deeper than my own senses, and runs everywhere.
To be here is to be everywhere. I'm comforted by that.
December 1, 2009
Anxious Nervous Nelly
My bouts with anxiety have been legendary lately.
I missed work on account of one bout.
There are sources of it the anxiety, too; faces and events I can point to for why I'm anxious, which I guess is better than having it just generalized.
When I'm anxious, as I am right now, my knee bops up and down at a furious rate. When I notice it, shift, and go back to typing, the other one starts to bop. I cannot bear to keep the nervous energy inside.
More than anything, being anxious is completely exhausting. Utterly exhausting. The kind where I get all the nervous energy out, and the thought of walking home from the train is just insurmountable. Might as well be 100 flights of stairs.
But before all that, is the onset. It typically involves my heart racing, inability to focus, and inability to sit still. My stomach churns and churns and churns, and I can't stop focusing on what is making me anxious. I want to make it right or discuss it with the relevant party immediately.
I've just yawned. There you go. It's 2:29pm and I'm yawning. I just had a soda, too, so you think I'd be caffeinated. My point is I HATE BEING ANXIOUS.
I also don't know how to act accordingly when I'm this way. I feel any sort-of God-given wisdom is out the window, and I'm literally feeling like "hummin-a-hummin-a-hummin-a" when it comes to facing problems.
But really, what am I afraid of? It's all irrational stuff stemming from wanting to be accepted and successful. About maintaining any and all relationships, and taking care of everyone. It drives me completely nuts.
"I throw my fear around". Wise words, Mr. Mayer.
I missed work on account of one bout.
There are sources of it the anxiety, too; faces and events I can point to for why I'm anxious, which I guess is better than having it just generalized.
When I'm anxious, as I am right now, my knee bops up and down at a furious rate. When I notice it, shift, and go back to typing, the other one starts to bop. I cannot bear to keep the nervous energy inside.
More than anything, being anxious is completely exhausting. Utterly exhausting. The kind where I get all the nervous energy out, and the thought of walking home from the train is just insurmountable. Might as well be 100 flights of stairs.
But before all that, is the onset. It typically involves my heart racing, inability to focus, and inability to sit still. My stomach churns and churns and churns, and I can't stop focusing on what is making me anxious. I want to make it right or discuss it with the relevant party immediately.
I've just yawned. There you go. It's 2:29pm and I'm yawning. I just had a soda, too, so you think I'd be caffeinated. My point is I HATE BEING ANXIOUS.
I also don't know how to act accordingly when I'm this way. I feel any sort-of God-given wisdom is out the window, and I'm literally feeling like "hummin-a-hummin-a-hummin-a" when it comes to facing problems.
But really, what am I afraid of? It's all irrational stuff stemming from wanting to be accepted and successful. About maintaining any and all relationships, and taking care of everyone. It drives me completely nuts.
"I throw my fear around". Wise words, Mr. Mayer.
November 25, 2009
Cracking knuckles
I'm just a shorter version of my brain.
A stockier, less tall, less attractive version of my brain.
My brain is taller, just as charming, and more alert.
Our bodies, being the instrument by which we live, are wretched things. All those joints, muscles, hairs, the rolling and rolling.
I need but my eyes, ears, vocal chords and mouth. I don't even give a damn about my nose.
My body throws mud on my brain's windshield, making it rest, making it rub the little small hard things out of my tear ducts in the morning.
All the sneezing, illness, yawning, blinking, blinking, breathing.
My brain exists inside this otherwise miserable apparatus, guiding it around in a dangerous and unknown environment, constantly taking care of it and pandering to its every need.
The only joy I derive directly from my body is the way my fingers are guided into making sounds on a fretboard. The way music comes from my hands.
Otherwise, it's constantly being reminded of slight discomfort from my keys not sitting well in my pocket, or an itch on my arm, or a stuffy nose.
Most of my day is spent reacting to feedback about how my body wants me to slightly change position, scratch something, eat something, or rest.
In fact, I think part of growing up is learning to have almost no reaction to the dull aches and pains of everyday living and moving. We learn to numb our brains to the small nuisances. We experience pain and discomfort so regularly that we turn it off. Our brains turn it off.
Ever been sick? Of course. Notice how sensitive you feel to every discomfort? How your back tingles and you can feel the very shirt on your back? That's what we could be feeling everyday, but it is learned to suppress all that excess information.
"yes, but love your body!"
Umm, no. Not today. I wish I could find a zipper in the back of my body, and let the "brain" me walk around a bit. No more shifting, creaky knees, itchy arm, yawning, achy feet, or cracking of knuckles. And, no need to slow down to sleep, or pine for sleep while trying to get something done.
I am a short version of my brain. A short, short version.
A stockier, less tall, less attractive version of my brain.
My brain is taller, just as charming, and more alert.
Our bodies, being the instrument by which we live, are wretched things. All those joints, muscles, hairs, the rolling and rolling.
I need but my eyes, ears, vocal chords and mouth. I don't even give a damn about my nose.
My body throws mud on my brain's windshield, making it rest, making it rub the little small hard things out of my tear ducts in the morning.
All the sneezing, illness, yawning, blinking, blinking, breathing.
My brain exists inside this otherwise miserable apparatus, guiding it around in a dangerous and unknown environment, constantly taking care of it and pandering to its every need.
The only joy I derive directly from my body is the way my fingers are guided into making sounds on a fretboard. The way music comes from my hands.
Otherwise, it's constantly being reminded of slight discomfort from my keys not sitting well in my pocket, or an itch on my arm, or a stuffy nose.
Most of my day is spent reacting to feedback about how my body wants me to slightly change position, scratch something, eat something, or rest.
In fact, I think part of growing up is learning to have almost no reaction to the dull aches and pains of everyday living and moving. We learn to numb our brains to the small nuisances. We experience pain and discomfort so regularly that we turn it off. Our brains turn it off.
Ever been sick? Of course. Notice how sensitive you feel to every discomfort? How your back tingles and you can feel the very shirt on your back? That's what we could be feeling everyday, but it is learned to suppress all that excess information.
"yes, but love your body!"
Umm, no. Not today. I wish I could find a zipper in the back of my body, and let the "brain" me walk around a bit. No more shifting, creaky knees, itchy arm, yawning, achy feet, or cracking of knuckles. And, no need to slow down to sleep, or pine for sleep while trying to get something done.
I am a short version of my brain. A short, short version.
November 23, 2009
Coolest email ever.
Just about made my week...
"Hello, my name is Kevin and my English teacher played your song
"Ophelia" for the class last year. I really enjoyed it and I've been
trying to get it somehow (legally because I don't want to cheat you
out of money and I understand that you are not a very famous person...
yet ha) because i want to share it with some of my friends who are not
in the English class I had. I don't have much money to spare, I was
wondering if I could work something out as maybe a cheaper donation
for just the one song. Please email me back whenever you have the
time. Thank you.
-Kevin"
"Kevin,
No need to pay. Here you go. Hope you enjoy it, man. Who is your English teacher? I'd like to give him/her a thank you. I think it's really great he/she used my music when talking about Hamlet!
Best,
John"
Wow - full circle! My song, stemming from HS English, now used to teach it! What a wonderful honor!
"Hello, my name is Kevin and my English teacher played your song
"Ophelia" for the class last year. I really enjoyed it and I've been
trying to get it somehow (legally because I don't want to cheat you
out of money and I understand that you are not a very famous person...
yet ha) because i want to share it with some of my friends who are not
in the English class I had. I don't have much money to spare, I was
wondering if I could work something out as maybe a cheaper donation
for just the one song. Please email me back whenever you have the
time. Thank you.
-Kevin"
"Kevin,
No need to pay. Here you go. Hope you enjoy it, man. Who is your English teacher? I'd like to give him/her a thank you. I think it's really great he/she used my music when talking about Hamlet!
Best,
John"
Wow - full circle! My song, stemming from HS English, now used to teach it! What a wonderful honor!
October 14, 2009
Lessons
Lessons learned this past few weeks:
Live well and with respect for your body and your principles.
Family is paramount, the most important thing we can actually hold in our hands.
An idea that does not come to life will oft kick down the door to three more ideas.
My life is protected by grace, but is not immune to failure.
I love my friends, wholeheartedly, and their support moves me to do great things.
Business is nothing more than a showcase of who is working harder than who.
When you will it in your mind, take ownership of it, and live as if it were, it is.
I would rather not be able to see than not be able to hear. That was a very tough decision.
Live well and with respect for your body and your principles.
Family is paramount, the most important thing we can actually hold in our hands.
An idea that does not come to life will oft kick down the door to three more ideas.
My life is protected by grace, but is not immune to failure.
I love my friends, wholeheartedly, and their support moves me to do great things.
Business is nothing more than a showcase of who is working harder than who.
When you will it in your mind, take ownership of it, and live as if it were, it is.
I would rather not be able to see than not be able to hear. That was a very tough decision.
August 31, 2009
Sinewy Sensation
I took a piping hot shower today.
It was so amazing.
Made my neck and hands almost feel numb with relaxation.
Amazing what my body longs for
And what my mind longs for
My body - particularly my legs
Would love nothing more than lay
In my oh-so-comfortable bed
Until it just isn't that comfortable
I feel the chilly cover,
With an air conditioned fan blowing on it
And it makes the sticky, stuffy, balmy air
In my hallways, kitchen, and bathroom
Seem that much more oppressive.
Yet, with a 4-inch barrier of brick and concrete
My room stays dark, cool, and perfect.
When I lay down, I feel my legs sigh in relief
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
My calves relax
My calused feet flip upwards
And my head feels heavy.
I use one of the two mental devices I employ
To fall asleep.
The first, I am on a golf course
Cazenovia in South Buffalo, almost always
And there is no one ahead of us, or behind us.
And I stand on the first tee
Leaning on a driver
And I picture the perfect shot I am about to hit.
(Picture-in-picture, because I am trying to dream.)
I address the ball
Sitting atop a beaten up white tee
And have my white Wilson glove on
And my old Lancer driver.
I'm wearing Khakis and a baby blue polo.
I then I rear back
And let all my might go into the white ball
BOOM
As I recoil, I feel the rush that comes
When releasing that much energy
And the sinew in my shoulders
It stretches, aches, and tingles
All at once.
I had been holding my breath
And so I almost gasp out
And immediately hear my heart catch up.
My knuckles feel like rusty hinges
From gripping the club so tightly.
And then I raise my head skyward
Trying not to miss a minute
And there, as if by cannon,
Goes my little white ball,
Straight as straight can be
Perfectly lost in the twilight sun.
I watch the entire shot frozen
Loosening my grip ever so slightly,
And then begin the leisurely walk to hit my approach.
(I then fall asleep.)
Second, I am standing on a pitcher's mound
I am almost always about 15 years old.
A young man steps into the batter's box
He is no match for me, but about my age.
My eyes turn black
My pupils widen drastically
I stare into the catcher's mitt
No, I stare through it.
My glove
My Easton yellow-leather glove
Is perched in the perfect position
Right in front of my face
And I give my best Andy Pettitte impression.
The look I give is truly one of undaunted determination
Of sheer "I will fucking destroy you."
Of cool rage, or controlled anger
All in one.
I am skilled, powerful, and intimidating.
I will throw this ball so hard
That you couldn't even hit it with your metal stick.
That's what this is about.
I will dominate you, young man.
And I will win.
So, I stand there, and see a hand pop down
In between the catcher's legs
A number two
I nod my head no.
I want number one.
He instinctually knows what I want
A single finger is shown.
I nod yes
And the dance begins
Left foot back
As both hands come over my head
Gripping the ball in my glove
My eyes, not even for an instant
Do not leave the steel gaze
of that catcher's mitt.
Weight shifts to left foot
So I can rotate the right on the rubber
And then
Forward motion
Time for BOOM
Left leg snaps up from behind
Knee is raised
Arms come to my chest
And then the hands "break":
Left one reach towards home plate
Right one reaches out to second base
As my right leg bends slightly
Starting my decent
And ensuring that the explosion will occur.
This is the no-turning-back point.
My head tilts up and to the left
To get out of the way of my right arm
Which is about to hurl something fierce.
Then, with a drastic stomping of my left leg forward
And half a second of my right arm barreling through,
I feel that same sinewy sensation
Ache, tingling, and rush
The heart catches up
And there disappears my white ball again
Except this one
I can hear hisssssssss with spin
The young man on the receiving end
Takes a half-hearted swing
And misses by a mile.
Strike one.
Two more to go.
I fall asleep.
It was so amazing.
Made my neck and hands almost feel numb with relaxation.
Amazing what my body longs for
And what my mind longs for
My body - particularly my legs
Would love nothing more than lay
In my oh-so-comfortable bed
Until it just isn't that comfortable
I feel the chilly cover,
With an air conditioned fan blowing on it
And it makes the sticky, stuffy, balmy air
In my hallways, kitchen, and bathroom
Seem that much more oppressive.
Yet, with a 4-inch barrier of brick and concrete
My room stays dark, cool, and perfect.
When I lay down, I feel my legs sigh in relief
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
My calves relax
My calused feet flip upwards
And my head feels heavy.
I use one of the two mental devices I employ
To fall asleep.
The first, I am on a golf course
Cazenovia in South Buffalo, almost always
And there is no one ahead of us, or behind us.
And I stand on the first tee
Leaning on a driver
And I picture the perfect shot I am about to hit.
(Picture-in-picture, because I am trying to dream.)
I address the ball
Sitting atop a beaten up white tee
And have my white Wilson glove on
And my old Lancer driver.
I'm wearing Khakis and a baby blue polo.
I then I rear back
And let all my might go into the white ball
BOOM
As I recoil, I feel the rush that comes
When releasing that much energy
And the sinew in my shoulders
It stretches, aches, and tingles
All at once.
I had been holding my breath
And so I almost gasp out
And immediately hear my heart catch up.
My knuckles feel like rusty hinges
From gripping the club so tightly.
And then I raise my head skyward
Trying not to miss a minute
And there, as if by cannon,
Goes my little white ball,
Straight as straight can be
Perfectly lost in the twilight sun.
I watch the entire shot frozen
Loosening my grip ever so slightly,
And then begin the leisurely walk to hit my approach.
(I then fall asleep.)
Second, I am standing on a pitcher's mound
I am almost always about 15 years old.
A young man steps into the batter's box
He is no match for me, but about my age.
My eyes turn black
My pupils widen drastically
I stare into the catcher's mitt
No, I stare through it.
My glove
My Easton yellow-leather glove
Is perched in the perfect position
Right in front of my face
And I give my best Andy Pettitte impression.
The look I give is truly one of undaunted determination
Of sheer "I will fucking destroy you."
Of cool rage, or controlled anger
All in one.
I am skilled, powerful, and intimidating.
I will throw this ball so hard
That you couldn't even hit it with your metal stick.
That's what this is about.
I will dominate you, young man.
And I will win.
So, I stand there, and see a hand pop down
In between the catcher's legs
A number two
I nod my head no.
I want number one.
He instinctually knows what I want
A single finger is shown.
I nod yes
And the dance begins
Left foot back
As both hands come over my head
Gripping the ball in my glove
My eyes, not even for an instant
Do not leave the steel gaze
of that catcher's mitt.
Weight shifts to left foot
So I can rotate the right on the rubber
And then
Forward motion
Time for BOOM
Left leg snaps up from behind
Knee is raised
Arms come to my chest
And then the hands "break":
Left one reach towards home plate
Right one reaches out to second base
As my right leg bends slightly
Starting my decent
And ensuring that the explosion will occur.
This is the no-turning-back point.
My head tilts up and to the left
To get out of the way of my right arm
Which is about to hurl something fierce.
Then, with a drastic stomping of my left leg forward
And half a second of my right arm barreling through,
I feel that same sinewy sensation
Ache, tingling, and rush
The heart catches up
And there disappears my white ball again
Except this one
I can hear hisssssssss with spin
The young man on the receiving end
Takes a half-hearted swing
And misses by a mile.
Strike one.
Two more to go.
I fall asleep.
Sophomore English class
That time of year thou may'st in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang:
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by-and-by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest:
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie
As the death-bed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by:
—This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang:
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by-and-by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest:
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie
As the death-bed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by:
—This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
August 11, 2009
About Me
I am a loving man.
I want desperately to live well
A just, honorable, spiritual life.
To make those I love proud
To remember them, honor them,
And to be remembered.
My grandfather changed my life.
He died when I was still very young
I loved him deeply, and feel him with me everyday.
Some people come in the door, and just knock over everything in our lives
Grandpa was it
He was "cool" defined.
I don't like the things I do sometimes
The lack of respect I have for myself
And my body.
I search daily for ways to be honorable.
I am lazy.
My laziness makes every single aspect of my life so slow
And I grow impatient at the pace.
It is a paradox, but much of my life is.
I fight through believing God is with me everyday
The way I was taught.
I want to believe it is so,
Because it makes my existence more justified and validated.
Really, I think you are what you become
Because of amazing people
Mom, Dad
My Two Sisters
My incredible aunts, grandparents, and cousins
- and a little bit of luck.
I love them so much.
And fighting their love and advice used to lead
To them thinking I was ungrateful.
They were right.
I have to feel I can take care of everyone
And throw money, words, and other resources around
to SHOW it.
I go from moods of defeated to triumphant in a heartbeat
And that is not healthy
I get so anxious about every little thing
And nothing, all at once.
I've begun to shake on account of my nerves.
My life seems to be surrounded by a certain amount of protective grace
Luck - whatever you call it
Opportunity, positivity, and love
Keep finding me.
Romantic love, from a woman I also desire
Has eluded me since I was still a child.
8 long years.
I feel immature with matters of the heart
And that, despite well-wishes from others,
I will never find a woman who will be proud to walk beside me.
My mother, unintentionally, made me ashamed to outwardly feel romantic love
And to this day, I feel forever behind the ball because of it.
These past 4 years have been a time of great maturity I feel
And finally I feel grown up enough where I can be someone's companion
-walking beside them, as opposed to carrying them -
And I see people drawn towards me, to that end.
I have learned to be happy on my own terms.
An example:
I very much did set out writing this to arrive at some convenient, cute point
On how much I want her to like me, how I feel ready for this to be what I know it can be.
But the sum result is that I see all that is good around me
And know that I am where I am supposed to be
And my GOD, am I lucky to be loved, and to love
My Mom, Dad, Sisters, and Friends.
BLESSED to have them.
So whatever happens tonight,
However she ends up feeling about me,
It's OKAY.
I SING for a living. I play music that people like.
My songs move people.
It is everything I had hoped for.
And before she ever stepped in, just a few short weeks ago
It wouldn't matter if she didn't respond to me right away
Or if I wasn't sure how she felt.
This is very much a bonus, John.
It's as if life gave you an extra helping this time around.
I make a promise to myself:
Be a good man, love those who love you,
Even if it is hard sometimes.
Be thankful for what you have,
Excited for what you could have,
And never lose faith in what you are worth
And what you can do to change people.
I needed to get that out.
I want desperately to live well
A just, honorable, spiritual life.
To make those I love proud
To remember them, honor them,
And to be remembered.
My grandfather changed my life.
He died when I was still very young
I loved him deeply, and feel him with me everyday.
Some people come in the door, and just knock over everything in our lives
Grandpa was it
He was "cool" defined.
I don't like the things I do sometimes
The lack of respect I have for myself
And my body.
I search daily for ways to be honorable.
I am lazy.
My laziness makes every single aspect of my life so slow
And I grow impatient at the pace.
It is a paradox, but much of my life is.
I fight through believing God is with me everyday
The way I was taught.
I want to believe it is so,
Because it makes my existence more justified and validated.
Really, I think you are what you become
Because of amazing people
Mom, Dad
My Two Sisters
My incredible aunts, grandparents, and cousins
- and a little bit of luck.
I love them so much.
And fighting their love and advice used to lead
To them thinking I was ungrateful.
They were right.
I have to feel I can take care of everyone
And throw money, words, and other resources around
to SHOW it.
I go from moods of defeated to triumphant in a heartbeat
And that is not healthy
I get so anxious about every little thing
And nothing, all at once.
I've begun to shake on account of my nerves.
My life seems to be surrounded by a certain amount of protective grace
Luck - whatever you call it
Opportunity, positivity, and love
Keep finding me.
Romantic love, from a woman I also desire
Has eluded me since I was still a child.
8 long years.
I feel immature with matters of the heart
And that, despite well-wishes from others,
I will never find a woman who will be proud to walk beside me.
My mother, unintentionally, made me ashamed to outwardly feel romantic love
And to this day, I feel forever behind the ball because of it.
These past 4 years have been a time of great maturity I feel
And finally I feel grown up enough where I can be someone's companion
-walking beside them, as opposed to carrying them -
And I see people drawn towards me, to that end.
I have learned to be happy on my own terms.
An example:
I very much did set out writing this to arrive at some convenient, cute point
On how much I want her to like me, how I feel ready for this to be what I know it can be.
But the sum result is that I see all that is good around me
And know that I am where I am supposed to be
And my GOD, am I lucky to be loved, and to love
My Mom, Dad, Sisters, and Friends.
BLESSED to have them.
So whatever happens tonight,
However she ends up feeling about me,
It's OKAY.
I SING for a living. I play music that people like.
My songs move people.
It is everything I had hoped for.
And before she ever stepped in, just a few short weeks ago
It wouldn't matter if she didn't respond to me right away
Or if I wasn't sure how she felt.
This is very much a bonus, John.
It's as if life gave you an extra helping this time around.
I make a promise to myself:
Be a good man, love those who love you,
Even if it is hard sometimes.
Be thankful for what you have,
Excited for what you could have,
And never lose faith in what you are worth
And what you can do to change people.
I needed to get that out.
April 16, 2009
Shows
GIG SCHEDULE! Updated 5/19/09
Here's the deal for the next few months!
I play with about 8 different groups, so anything with a * after it means I am a member of that group, or an accompanist.
4-22 Wednesday - Blair Bodine* NYC CD Release Party - Googie's Lounge, upstairs of The Living Room NYC 8PM Free. I'm sitting in with Blair, after having sang vocals on her album, please come out to support, once again no cover. For those who do not know her, here is a link to her stuff: www.blairbodine.com
4-25 Saturday - Kramerbooks & Afterwards Cafe w/ Chris Ayer - Dupont Circle, Washington, DC 10PM Free. Chris Ayer and I are co-headlining this show in his hometown, going to be fantastic. Chris is a good friend, and I will be joined by a Chris of my own, Mr. Chris Flanigan on guitar.
5-05 Tuesday - NY Songwriters Circle Boston Showcase - Johnny D's, Somerville, MA 8PM $5. Liz Longley, one of my absolute favorite songwriters (up there with Rufus Wainwright, The Band, et al.) hosts this Circle in the round that will feature myself, Caleb Hawley, and Blair Bodine*. Been awhile since I've been up to Boston, so please check it out if you're near.
5-14 Thursday - The Foggy Dudes* (Celtic Music) at Pipin's Pub - Bay Ridge Brooklyn, NY 8PM Free. One of my favorite things to do with respect to music is to play the traditional Irish songs that I grew up with as a kid. It's my first time playing the Trad. songs since St. Paddy's day, so I'm really amped to be playing near home for everyone. Special guests Chris Flanigan and Carl Gallagher.
5-15 Friday - Bay Ridge All-Stars w/ Brandon Warren & BasementView* - Wicked Willy's NYC 7PM $5. Our monthly homage to Stevie, Michael, Sam & Dave, Marvin, etc.
Here's the deal for the next few months!
I play with about 8 different groups, so anything with a * after it means I am a member of that group, or an accompanist.
4-22 Wednesday - Blair Bodine* NYC CD Release Party - Googie's Lounge, upstairs of The Living Room NYC 8PM Free. I'm sitting in with Blair, after having sang vocals on her album, please come out to support, once again no cover. For those who do not know her, here is a link to her stuff: www.blairbodine.com
4-25 Saturday - Kramerbooks & Afterwards Cafe w/ Chris Ayer - Dupont Circle, Washington, DC 10PM Free. Chris Ayer and I are co-headlining this show in his hometown, going to be fantastic. Chris is a good friend, and I will be joined by a Chris of my own, Mr. Chris Flanigan on guitar.
5-05 Tuesday - NY Songwriters Circle Boston Showcase - Johnny D's, Somerville, MA 8PM $5. Liz Longley, one of my absolute favorite songwriters (up there with Rufus Wainwright, The Band, et al.) hosts this Circle in the round that will feature myself, Caleb Hawley, and Blair Bodine*. Been awhile since I've been up to Boston, so please check it out if you're near.
5-14 Thursday - The Foggy Dudes* (Celtic Music) at Pipin's Pub - Bay Ridge Brooklyn, NY 8PM Free. One of my favorite things to do with respect to music is to play the traditional Irish songs that I grew up with as a kid. It's my first time playing the Trad. songs since St. Paddy's day, so I'm really amped to be playing near home for everyone. Special guests Chris Flanigan and Carl Gallagher.
5-15 Friday - Bay Ridge All-Stars w/ Brandon Warren & BasementView* - Wicked Willy's NYC 7PM $5. Our monthly homage to Stevie, Michael, Sam & Dave, Marvin, etc.
5-22 Friday - The Back Fence - NYC 10PM $5. Standard covers for all the loud people.
5-23 Saturday - Burlap & Bean Coffeehouse w/ Lizanne Knott and Blair Bodine* - Philadelphia, PA 8PM $7. I am lucky to have the opportunity to share a bill with Lizanne and Blair, two people I respect on a personal and musical level. And, lucky to play once more in Philly, a place that always makes me feel appreciated and at home. http://www.burlapandbean.com/
5-28 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people. Every Thursday all summer long!
6-02 Tuesday - Arlene's Grocery, Merritt Management Showcase feat. Tina Mathieu*, Zach Hurd, & John Schmitt - Benefit for Focal Point Aid http://www.focalpointaid.org/ 8PM $10
6-04 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
6-05 Friday - Andy Mac and Friends at Cafe Vivaldi, w/ Kate Branagh* - 32 Jones Street (off of Bleeker) NYC, 8PM. Free. My good friend Andy Mac, a fellow Buffalonian, hosts this monthly showcase, and asked me to do a set; my dear friend Kate will be playing a set, too! Perfect for a warm summer night in the Village.
6-07 Sunday - Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's 2009 Rock & Run On the River - Pier 84 (West Side Hwy) NYC 9AM Free. I was asked again this year to play for the 4,000+ runners/walkers/volunteers at MSKCC's annual fundraising event for their Cancer Survivorship Foundation. As you know, people who are sick with cancer often have high medical bills, and face other obstacles getting back to their "regular" life once they have beat cancer. The Survivorship Program at MSKCC helps cancer survivors get back on their feet. This annual event is the main source of funding, so I urge you to please donate, even if you cannot attend. http://rockandrun.mskcc.org
6-12 Friday - Buffalo Wild Wings w/ Jules & Gabriella* - Auburn, NY 8PM. I will be joining my favorite young songwriters, Jules & Gabriella, for a benefit concert. If you are in the area, please make a point to dine that night, as 15% of your bill goes to charity!
6-18 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
6-20 Saturday - The Snooty Pig - Corning, NY 9PM, $3. One of my absolute favorite places to play and to visit, please stop by if you're in the Twin Tiers area or the Finger Lakes, I'd love to catch up.
6-23 Tuesday - Merritt Management Showcase, feat. Tina Mathieu*, Zach Hurd, Caleb Hawley, and John Schmitt - The Bitter End, NYC 8PM $5. Our own night at the Bitter End! Fantastic. This is one of the best rooms to play in the city, and the mural with Joni Mitchell is what does it for me everytime. Please come support.
7-2 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
7-4 Saturday - The Back Fence - Bleeker & Thompson Sts. NYC 10PM. $5 Monthly cover gig for all the drunken tourists.
7-5 Sunday - World Cafe Live w/ Chris Ayer - Philadelphia, PA 8PM $10. Chris has asked me to play a set alongside him at my favorite spot in Philadelphia. All you Philly folk, be sure to stop out!
7/9 Thursday - New Hope Winery w/ Tina Mathieu and Chris Ayer - New Hope, PA 7PM. Wine and music: might not get better. Unless Natalie Portman stopped by. Then we'd be all set.
7/11 Saturday - Caverly's Irish Pub w/ The Foggy Dudes* - Rochester, NY 8PM Free. Joined by my good friends Carl Gallagher and Chris Flanigan, we'll be playing Irish music all night at this staple Irish pub in Rochester!
7-12 Sunday - The Taste of Buffalo, Huron Stage - Downtown Buffalo, NY 1PM Free. I was selected to play at the Taste of Buffalo this year, the biggest event of the summer in Western New York! There is about 500,000 people expected to be at the festival this year, I hope you WNYers can all make it out. http://www.tasteofbuffalo.com/
7-16 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
7/17 Friday - The Snooty Pig - Corning, NY 9PM, $3. I'm in town already for the 2009 Finger Lakes Wine Festival in Watkins Glen, NY, so why not spend Friday night playing for all the nice Winos?? Been looking forward to this weekend all year!
7-21 TUESDAY - THE CANAL ROOM, w/ CHRIS AYER (ALBUM RELEASE), ZACH HURD, TINA MATHIEU*, & CALEB HAWLEY - NYC $10. THIS IS A VERY AWESOME OPPORTUNITY, AND IF YOU'RE IN THE NYC AREA AND APPRECIATE GOOD MUSIC, OR IF YOU'RE A FRIEND OF MINE WHO HASN'T BEEN TO A SHOW IN AWHILE, THIS ONE WOULD BE ONE TO MARK DOWN. The Canal Room is THE place to be playing at, and this is a big step up for us all, so we're counting on you to come out. It would really mean the world. http://www.canalroom.com/
7-23 Thursday - NY Songwriters Circle Philadelphia at World Cafe Live - Upstairs at World Cafe, Philadelphia, PA $7. The wonderful Lizanne Knott is hosting this event, which features the best of local Philly artists and some New Yorkers coming in by train (that'd be me!). Hope to see you there.
7-25 Saturday - Bay Ridge All-Stars w/ Brandon Warren & BasementView* - Wicked Willy's NYC 7PM $5. Our monthly homage to Stevie, Michael, Sam & Dave, Marvin, etc.
7-30 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
7-31 Friday - JOHN SCHMITT BIRTHDAY SHOW! W/ Bay Ridge All-Stars, Kate Branagh, and many other special guests! - Wicked Willy's NYC 7PM $5. Please come celebrate another trip round the sun for me with all my dear friends!
8-6 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
8-8 Saturday - Caz Coffee Cafe w/ Kate Branagh* and Jules & Gabriella* - South Buffalo, NY 7PM Free. The last time we played, this show was a smashing success, and we only hope to build off of it further. Hope to see you there!
8-13 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
8-20 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
8-27 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
9-1 Tuesday - Googie's Lounge, upstairs at the Living Room w/ Jules and Gabriella, Tina Mathieu, and Chris Ayer - NYC, 7PM. Free. Three of my favorites, and I get to share a bill with them - very, very cool.
9-3 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
9-10 Thursday - Pier 17 at South St. Seaport (Sequoia Restaurant) w/ the Bay Ridge All-Stars* - NYC, 6:30PM. Free. Our weekly fanny-wagging Motown fest right on the water for all the nice people.
9-12 Saturday - Halfway to St. Patty's Day Party at Pipin's Pub w/ the Foggy Dudes* - Brooklyn, NY 8PM FREE. Come all you Brooklyners to celebrate only 180 days to St. Patty's by dancing and singing with us!
February 10, 2009
The Stone
I am David
and I practicing my sling
And you know this, you showed it...
A similar scene is taking over me
When you step into the room, I bow down
You look around, you look around
You see everything you want is what you've found
And I am at a loss
'Cause I am David
And I am practicing my sling
And you know this, you showed it
'Cause the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and hide it
My beautiful, beautiful Goliath
She said, "Stop, 'cause I don't know what it's like to lose"
"And with the way this going, baby why must you make me choose?"
In that space between fantasy and faith
I come back and stark making my way
To where I step into this battleground with you
'Cause I am David
And I am practicing my sling
And you know this, you showed it
'Cause the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and hide it
My beautiful, oh
And my words hit you like a stone
My words hit you like a stone
My words hit you like a stone
And you fall
You fall
You fall
Oh I
did arrive
ready to fight this time
Oh I
did arrive
ready to fight this time
You fall, as I fall apart
watching you fall apart
You fall, as I fall apart
watching you fall apart
and I practicing my sling
And you know this, you showed it...
A similar scene is taking over me
When you step into the room, I bow down
You look around, you look around
You see everything you want is what you've found
And I am at a loss
'Cause I am David
And I am practicing my sling
And you know this, you showed it
'Cause the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and hide it
My beautiful, beautiful Goliath
She said, "Stop, 'cause I don't know what it's like to lose"
"And with the way this going, baby why must you make me choose?"
In that space between fantasy and faith
I come back and stark making my way
To where I step into this battleground with you
'Cause I am David
And I am practicing my sling
And you know this, you showed it
'Cause the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and hide it
My beautiful, oh
And my words hit you like a stone
My words hit you like a stone
My words hit you like a stone
And you fall
You fall
You fall
Oh I
did arrive
ready to fight this time
Oh I
did arrive
ready to fight this time
You fall, as I fall apart
watching you fall apart
You fall, as I fall apart
watching you fall apart
February 6, 2009
It's February Here
Funny how growing up sheds perspective into things. It was this time about 6 years ago when I wrote a song called "February Here." Lyrically, it's the best thing I've ever written, I think; about being alone in these cold months, with holidays reminding you that you have alone:
Deja Vu and all those catchy phrases
That make the world so clear
I wrote them down, I wrote the times and places
I think that I've been here before
Before you came I saw the world in seasons
Like winter, fall, and spring
So when it snows it's always summer somewhere else
And it's February here
It's February here.
It bubbles up from deep inside of me
And trouble is just getting you to see
That I want / to know what / it feels like / to love you
I want / to see what / it looks like / above you
Falling back into this empty bedroom
I draw the shades down tight
I'm feeling cramped, I think I need more head room
I'll take a walk outside
There's something about watching the snow flakes dancing
and floating in the wind
It helps a lonely man forget he's part of
Another February here
It's always February here
There's so much of me I know I could let go
Pretty soon the only sentence that I'll know
Is 'I want / to know what / it feels like / to love you'
And 'I want / to see what / it looks like / above you'
I don't think that John exists anymore. Time and experience has taught me to not live and die by the holidays, that life need not be cyclical, but instead can have gravitas and excitement at any moment. Months, weeks, days of the week, holidays are all arbitrary dates on a calendar that you did not set up. Best not live by them, either.
So another February here again, been only one since I wrote that song where I wasn't alone. To be honest, I wished I were alone at the time, believe me. I have earned and bought the things I wanted and needed; I see my career advancing at a fever pitch, both at the hospital and with music. And it could be alot worse for someone like me. So not having a woman to share experiences with isn't something to really lament at this point. If anything, it's smart - priorities change when you're in love, and knowing myself, I would be willing to seek less of my dream in order to keep it going.
I know it's been months since I've updated; I will make an effort to be more regular. Hope you're doing well, staying afloat.
My thought of the week, upon hearing about disappointing people from my past:
I've seen your history under your eyes / it's exhausting to say so many goodbyes
Deja Vu and all those catchy phrases
That make the world so clear
I wrote them down, I wrote the times and places
I think that I've been here before
Before you came I saw the world in seasons
Like winter, fall, and spring
So when it snows it's always summer somewhere else
And it's February here
It's February here.
It bubbles up from deep inside of me
And trouble is just getting you to see
That I want / to know what / it feels like / to love you
I want / to see what / it looks like / above you
Falling back into this empty bedroom
I draw the shades down tight
I'm feeling cramped, I think I need more head room
I'll take a walk outside
There's something about watching the snow flakes dancing
and floating in the wind
It helps a lonely man forget he's part of
Another February here
It's always February here
There's so much of me I know I could let go
Pretty soon the only sentence that I'll know
Is 'I want / to know what / it feels like / to love you'
And 'I want / to see what / it looks like / above you'
I don't think that John exists anymore. Time and experience has taught me to not live and die by the holidays, that life need not be cyclical, but instead can have gravitas and excitement at any moment. Months, weeks, days of the week, holidays are all arbitrary dates on a calendar that you did not set up. Best not live by them, either.
So another February here again, been only one since I wrote that song where I wasn't alone. To be honest, I wished I were alone at the time, believe me. I have earned and bought the things I wanted and needed; I see my career advancing at a fever pitch, both at the hospital and with music. And it could be alot worse for someone like me. So not having a woman to share experiences with isn't something to really lament at this point. If anything, it's smart - priorities change when you're in love, and knowing myself, I would be willing to seek less of my dream in order to keep it going.
I know it's been months since I've updated; I will make an effort to be more regular. Hope you're doing well, staying afloat.
My thought of the week, upon hearing about disappointing people from my past:
I've seen your history under your eyes / it's exhausting to say so many goodbyes
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