About Me

I am a loving man.
I want desperately to live well
A just, honorable, spiritual life.
To make those I love proud
To remember them, honor them,
And to be remembered.

My grandfather changed my life.
He died when I was still very young
I loved him deeply, and feel him with me everyday.
Some people come in the door, and just knock over everything in our lives
Grandpa was it
He was "cool" defined.

I don't like the things I do sometimes
The lack of respect I have for myself
And my body.

I search daily for ways to be honorable.

I am lazy.
My laziness makes every single aspect of my life so slow
And I grow impatient at the pace.
It is a paradox, but much of my life is.

I fight through believing God is with me everyday
The way I was taught.
I want to believe it is so,
Because it makes my existence more justified and validated.
Really, I think you are what you become
Because of amazing people
Mom, Dad
My Two Sisters
My incredible aunts, grandparents, and cousins
- and a little bit of luck.
I love them so much.
And fighting their love and advice used to lead
To them thinking I was ungrateful.
They were right.

I have to feel I can take care of everyone
And throw money, words, and other resources around
to SHOW it.

I go from moods of defeated to triumphant in a heartbeat
And that is not healthy
I get so anxious about every little thing
And nothing, all at once.
I've begun to shake on account of my nerves.

My life seems to be surrounded by a certain amount of protective grace
Luck - whatever you call it
Opportunity, positivity, and love
Keep finding me.

Romantic love, from a woman I also desire
Has eluded me since I was still a child.
8 long years.
I feel immature with matters of the heart
And that, despite well-wishes from others,
I will never find a woman who will be proud to walk beside me.

My mother, unintentionally, made me ashamed to outwardly feel romantic love
And to this day, I feel forever behind the ball because of it.
These past 4 years have been a time of great maturity I feel
And finally I feel grown up enough where I can be someone's companion
-walking beside them, as opposed to carrying them -
And I see people drawn towards me, to that end.
I have learned to be happy on my own terms.

An example:
I very much did set out writing this to arrive at some convenient, cute point
On how much I want her to like me, how I feel ready for this to be what I know it can be.
But the sum result is that I see all that is good around me
And know that I am where I am supposed to be
And my GOD, am I lucky to be loved, and to love
My Mom, Dad, Sisters, and Friends.
BLESSED to have them.
So whatever happens tonight,
However she ends up feeling about me,
It's OKAY.

I SING for a living. I play music that people like.
My songs move people.
It is everything I had hoped for.
And before she ever stepped in, just a few short weeks ago
It wouldn't matter if she didn't respond to me right away
Or if I wasn't sure how she felt.
This is very much a bonus, John.
It's as if life gave you an extra helping this time around.

I make a promise to myself:
Be a good man, love those who love you,
Even if it is hard sometimes.
Be thankful for what you have,
Excited for what you could have,
And never lose faith in what you are worth
And what you can do to change people.

I needed to get that out.