Sunday morning, rain is falling

Good morning. There's quite a storm outside today; it's prolly best to stay in today. I feel like I could sleep until June if I could.

These past few weeks have been so strange for me. They've been unforgettable, exciting, promising times. Yet, they have been a great struggle, a time of great uncertainty, and sometimes a time of pain and anxiety. I go from being so happy and content, and then one little thing happens, and I feel defeated. I go from being downtrodden and anxious, to feeling invincible and From my career, my friends, and everything else, things are weighing on me. I repeatedly feel tormented to act out of who I am, to lost patience with my life.

I don't like feeling like this. I don't like going from high to low and low to high so often. The problem is that I care too much. I have so much invested in the situations in my life, and I want nothing more but wonderful things to happen to me and the people I cohort with. I have faith in myself, and my ability to succeed, but sometimes it just isn't up to me, and I can respect that.

I am writing a song at the moment. When it is finished, it is going to mean so much to me and to those that I love. I can't stop singing the chorus.

I am thinking of giving up all alcohol except wine. And I am thinking of drinking wine on a "relaxation" basis. Meaning, I would drink wine once in a blue moon, as a way to relax and catch my breath from the day. I don't like the feeling of being drunk, but I do love wine. One thing is for sure, I am done doing things like shots or "super-shots" like Jager-bombs or car-bombs. I gave up alcohol for lent, and it worked out okay. I owe it to my body to treat alcohol with respect.

On a good note, I continue to lose weight. I do not eat in between meals now, drink water constantly, and eat until I am full, and no further. I have been going for walks, seeing greater Brooklyn and Manhattan, and I am excited for what the spring and summer will bring. Vin and I are going to start playing tennis, and that is an old past time of mine. I take control of when I go to bed, so I am not tired, and it has made me more productive at work and at home, and made my relationships with others better.

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I saw Great Big Sea last night, and at first, I didn't even want to go. It was a great night. I missed that kind of music, the Irish/Canadian folk, the music that tells so many stories. I felt like walking around and hugging everyone, as we all danced and sang every word.

So in this time of uncertainty, I turn towards myself, and refocus. I need to simplify my life, and stop worrying so much. I worry about my future, my faith, my friends, and my relationships. I am going to see if that concern is reciprocated.

Stay warm, and indoors today.

John Michael