A Farewell to Eddie / Standing on the present, looking to the sun

A fond phone call with a friend has raised me up, and I feel much better.

I think there must be some sort of "Anxiety Monster" that has decided to creep inside of me about 6-7 years ago. I also think this Anxiety Monster, who I will call "Eddie" today, decided to set up shop at the part of my mind located at the very beginning of something new, exciting, and perhaps wonderful. And everytime I begin to go down the pathway of experiencing something real or something worthwhile, he jumps in front of me and stops me in my tracks, and torments me with anxiety, guilt, doubt, and whatever else that causes me to walk around on pins and needles. Eddie reminds me of why I do not deserve what I have or what I might be getting, and he always makes a point to let me know that this high-flying feeling will end, soon in fact, and it'd be best to turn back around. Thanks Eddie.

Well, if you're still reading, I'm not a psycho. But there is something to me always feeling so incredibly anxious when good things happen or may happen. It's not the real me. I am optimistic at my core, one of only a few things present there. The other things at my core, such as my belief in God, honesty, etc (include my Buffalo Sabres here as well) have guided me always, and give me hope.

This blog is so therapeudic. I understand you may not be able to sift through the codes and references to abstract things in my mind, but I need to get my own story out there for my sake.

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My home is shaping up to be simply wonderful. It is now officially worth the commute, and I feel a sense of closure with everything that has transpired over the past year. We made it through a year here, alive, healthy, smarter, funnier, wiser, more talented, and on the verge of grasping those dreams I used to think about in Mrs. Quinn's 8th grade class. Elliot, Ryan, we're doing it. Vinny, you're already on your way. I look at the friends, the close-close-close people I now have in my life, and those who have weathered the storm with me. I feel the closeness now, more than ever. We're all going to do great things, be entertainers, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, Senators, executives, millionaires, Emmy-winners, poets, dreamers, and whatever else we're setting out for. I have no doubt.