Last time I wrote, I was planning on seeing Brandon play at the Sidewalk Cafe. He did really well, and I think he's come so far in such a short amount of time. I think looking back at where we all came from, you don't see your skills sharpen and broaden, but they do. You can't label me as a knock-off of someone else anymore, I am my own man with my own sound. Sure, other music influences me, like anyone else, but finding my own voice has been a journey that I didn't even know I was on. In any event, I'm delighted to see that process happen in one of my best friends.
I went there with Maria, my friend from work, after seeing the movie "No Country for Old Men." Maria had been my movie buddy that week, and I saw 4 films in total, "Walk Hard," "No Country for Old Men," "I am Legend," and "There Will be Blood." I enjoyed all of them, but the Coen brother's movies stands heads and shoulders above the rest. It really was a magnificent piece of cinema, and the themes and undertones are both raw and beautiful, realistic and profound. What happens as we age? Why does it seem most older people feel disconnect? Where does fate play in this process? Is it possible for pure evil to be governed by a set of principles, much in the same way goodness is governed? Go see it, and let me know what you think.
After a very odd misunderstanding with Maria and I, I feel really good about working it out and having her as a good friend, even if she still likes the Giants.
Went to Harrisburg, saw Mark and Amanda, rode up with Jay and Brandon. It was nice to see everyone, even Tom Dose stopped out, and then I had my show. Before we left for the show, while still at Mark's house, Brandon sprained his ankle playing football with me. We didn't realize how bad it was until after my show, when it was the size of a grapefruit. We went to the ER, and were there until 4 am. A bad sprain, and he just needed to be off of it for a few days. Got home at 7am the next day.
Next was my trip to Philadelphia. Chris, Pat, Elliot, Cathy, and me piled into two cars and headed South on 95 for the day. Before we left though, we had rehearsal in Chris' garage.
Just a moment to mention Chris. This guy has really committed to playing in my band, and he is prepared, open-minded, skilled, and very calm at all times. He loves playing all kinds of music, and he has more than shown his worth playing with us on-stage. He really has fit well with me and the other guys, in terms of music and being a great friend. That's not even mentioning the other stuff...
Like, how he lets us use his garage to rehearse on the weekends! This saves me HUNDREDS of dollars, hours of time, and all kinds of headache. It is such an incredible help to me, and that's how selfless Chris is. He also is willing to drive the whole band anywhere to a show, and then he gives me shit when I offer him gas money. He drives his own car, with me and everyone else and our gear, and then when I try to give him money, he's always like "Eh, hit me up later." Well, I don't forget about that stuff, and do get him back for it later. He just gives so much, outside of the music on-stage (which I am really blessed to have with share in) that it is hard for me to not feel like we're taking him for granted. So I don't know if you're reading this, buddy, but you rock, you've helped me out more than you know, and I am really honored to be your friend first, and bandmate second. Thank you very much.
So anyways, we go to Philly, and we bring my roommate Adam along who was otherwise not busy. I think we told him about it while he was playing video games in his room or something. I knew he would have a good time, and he did.
There's alot of specifics about the Philly trip, but the main points are that we played exceptionally well, the crowd went from great, to good, to not-so-great, to poor, to terrible as the set went on, and we all agreed that the bars in Philly remind us of home, are better than NYC, and are so cheap that we wish we could have stayed the weekend. We all agreed to come back at the end of March and visit one more time. Ian came out, played with us, it was great to see him, thought he sounded really good, too.
Been going to shows, open mics, and more shows lately. It's taken alot out of me, but I think it's great. We're being offerred a show at the Cutting Room, and I think we should really see a spike in attendance there. I want to be known as my own man, who goes to things on his own accord, and I feel now that while it's getting to be that way, I still might be viewed as being "brought" by someone, or that I'm only there because Elliot is there, etc., which is not the case at all. I've been to 5 or 6 shows already without anyone else, and its important for me to show I care deeply about the music scene and the people in it, and not just be perceived as a tag-along.
That being said, Monday is the LC anniversary show at Rockwood, and I am glad I already personally know more than half of those invited to play. It's great to think I've only been here about 20 months, and I'm starting to really be involved with everyone here.
I'm going to Boston this weekend, with Vinny and Adam, and that should be awesome. I have a show outside the city, in Hopkinton, MA, and then I'm staying with Jeff. I will finally be meeting Joanna, someone I was introduced to only online through a mutual friend. She and I spend the days distracting each other from work, so it will be good to put a face to the jokes, political insights, and so on. I'm glad she's my friend, she is a true idealist, and that gives me faith about people.
Tonight I'm meeting up for dinner at the Comedy Cellar. I haven't been there in ages, since my birthday, and I'm excited to introduce someone new to the great stand-up that is always going on there. Should be a really fun night.
Other than that, I couldn't be more active going to see shows, playing with people, booking shows, travelling, and otherwise living my life. The saddest thing in life is wasted talent. Remember that, and live accordingly.
That's the coming and going in my life now. I'm nervous, excited, hopeful, and really just feeling tired. Such is the life of a 24 year old scraping by, chasing a dream.
January 25, 2008
January 14, 2008
"Stone"
A similar scene taking over me
When you step into a room, I bow down
___________
___________
Cuz I am David
And I am practicing my sling
Oh, and you know this, you showed it
'Cuz the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and you hide it
My beautiful, beautiful Goliath
She said 'stop, cuz I don't know what it's like to lose'
'And with the way things happened, why must you make me choose?'
In that space, between Fantasy and Faith
Is where a man must make his case
And step into the battleground with you
Cuz now I am David
And I am practicing my sling
Oh, and you know this, you showed it
'Cuz the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and you hide it
My beautiful, beautiful...
And my words hit you like a stone
And my words hit you like a stone
My words
Hit you
Like a stone.
And you fall
Oh, you fall
I did arrive
Ready to fight this time
When you step into a room, I bow down
___________
___________
Cuz I am David
And I am practicing my sling
Oh, and you know this, you showed it
'Cuz the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and you hide it
My beautiful, beautiful Goliath
She said 'stop, cuz I don't know what it's like to lose'
'And with the way things happened, why must you make me choose?'
In that space, between Fantasy and Faith
Is where a man must make his case
And step into the battleground with you
Cuz now I am David
And I am practicing my sling
Oh, and you know this, you showed it
'Cuz the throwing part is the hardest thing for me
You twist and spin me around
You take the love I give to you and you hide it
My beautiful, beautiful...
And my words hit you like a stone
And my words hit you like a stone
My words
Hit you
Like a stone.
And you fall
Oh, you fall
I did arrive
Ready to fight this time
January 11, 2008
January 10, 2008
The shows coming up...
1/12 - Crimson Frog - Harrisburg, PA
1/19 - Dr. Watson's - Philadelphia, PA
1/26 - Enter Stage Left: Coffeehouse Series - Hopkinton, MA (Boston)
2/2 - V-Day Benefit - Fredonia, NY
2/8 - Snooty Pig - Corning, NY
2/9 - Johnny's Irish Pub - Rochester, NY
2/16 - Uncommon Ground - Chicago, IL
2/22 - Wicked Willy's - New York, NY
2/23 - Brooklyn Coffee and Tea House - Providence, RI
3/6 - Proof of Purchase: presented by Bess Rogers - Bar 4 - Brooklyn, NY
3/7 - Back Fence - New York, NY
3/8 - Wicked Willy's - New York, NY
3/14 - Snooty Pig - Corning, NY
3/15 - Kold One's - Niagara Falls, NY
3/17 - Snooty Pig - Corning, NY
3/22 - Back Fence - New York, NY
3/26 - Wicked Willy's - New York, NY
4/2 - Rockwood Music Hall - New York, NY
1/19 - Dr. Watson's - Philadelphia, PA
1/26 - Enter Stage Left: Coffeehouse Series - Hopkinton, MA (Boston)
2/2 - V-Day Benefit - Fredonia, NY
2/8 - Snooty Pig - Corning, NY
2/9 - Johnny's Irish Pub - Rochester, NY
2/16 - Uncommon Ground - Chicago, IL
2/22 - Wicked Willy's - New York, NY
2/23 - Brooklyn Coffee and Tea House - Providence, RI
3/6 - Proof of Purchase: presented by Bess Rogers - Bar 4 - Brooklyn, NY
3/7 - Back Fence - New York, NY
3/8 - Wicked Willy's - New York, NY
3/14 - Snooty Pig - Corning, NY
3/15 - Kold One's - Niagara Falls, NY
3/17 - Snooty Pig - Corning, NY
3/22 - Back Fence - New York, NY
3/26 - Wicked Willy's - New York, NY
4/2 - Rockwood Music Hall - New York, NY
January 8, 2008
An email to a centered-man, on centering.
from John Schmitt hide details 10:33 am (0 minutes ago)
to Christopher Kuffner
bcc john@eltrainent.com
date Jan 8, 2008 10:33 AM
subject The limits of a Dual-world, and other tales...
mailed-by eltrainent.com
Chris,
Just wanted to shoot a quick email to "follow up" on the stuff we were talking about. It was REALLY refreshing to chat with someone willing to engage in such "heavy" stuff like the cosmos and the order of things, so while I don't think it happened by chance, I still feel inclined to say thank you!
I also wanted to say how impressed I was with your performance, as I always am. I know it sounds like I'm a kiss-ass, but honestly, I come from a pure place in me when I say that you're just a wonderful musician and person, and it shows together, on stage.
In my search for Great Truth, I've come across something else that is very interesting. The notion of a world made of duality, and the possibility through meditation, prayer, etc to transcend this duality is just fascinating. I was reading that the only reason we know what daytime is is because we have night. The only reason we know goodness is because we know badness. I guess that's the essense of Yin and Yang as well. Being one with the presence, absence, or co-presence of something seems to be very difficult, and the stuff I've been reading says that this is difficult enough for any man.
Yet certain people, attributes, ideals can transcend this duality, meaning they do not function on the same linear plane as one normally does. When this transcension occurs, the rules of earthly world do not apply, the laws of physics are not applicable, and the ability to move through matter, space, and time are possible. It is believed that Ghandhi, Jesus, Buddha, and a few select others were able to reach this height of awareness. They become one with other things such as Love and "The System" as we know it, which cannot be lumped into a "this-or-that" duality. The absense of love in not hate, nor is hate the opposite of love. Love exists on a higher plane than other human emotions or ideas, and that is why when it is shared, it is so encompassing and beautiful. The System we live in cannot be viewed in terms of duality either, and therefore is nearly impossible for a human mind to fully comprehend. For me, God is The System, for others, it is not. However it is viewed, there are clear signs of a higher plane of existance everywhere, and we just need to be open to such things in order to tap into their potential and benefits.
So to me, the deeper I go, the more I am faced with the question of whether I want to work towards this transcension. If so, there really is no turning back, and requires complete devotion and in particular, a change in the way I live my life. But it is something to think about. Do you want to transcend?
_________________________________
The other thing I started talking about with you was what true Nihilism is. It's not the anti-establishment cliche term to talk about people overthrowing government and rejecting spirituality, but instead I think it is a beautiful way to see and live one's life.
In a nutshell, Nihilism says that as a moral being, we have the responsibility to work towards a more prosperous humanity. To accomplish this, we must be willing to sacrifice the status quo if the status quo is not successful. More importantly, we are charged with the responsibility to change it. As enlightened men, we must be willing to throw away the mores and society that will ultimately downfall us, and start anew in the hopes that a better system will arise.
Now, that has more to do with government, but on a personal level, I have taken many things from this belief. First, Nihilism recognizes that simply putting yourself in a position to be successful is something to rejoice about. Just making something a possibility is cause for celebration. You've fulfilled your end of the bargain as a moral being, as a man.
Second, with this possible success on the horizon, Nihilism does recognize that there is a very real and possible chance for failure. Simply, once you make it a possibility, there is an element of chance that could bring about the undesired effect. But that is not something to feel badly about, and we must simply make another possibility possible. Whatever the outcome, we will have progressed from our previous position and continue towards a more successful experience and life.
There is no clearer example of Nihilism than in Imperial Russia, when the Intelligensia, the educated, young, middle-to-upper class men and women worked to overthrow the Tsarist government, and then let the people sort out government how they wish. Communism came about and ultimately failed, but the fact that a more prosperous Russia was in the realm of possibility means they succeeded.
How do you feel about this?
____________________________
Sorry for going on about stuff, but you seem like someone that could handle this type of thing. Hope this finds you doing well, and I hope we can get together soon to either talk to play music.
Here are the reads I was telling you about:
The Dark Night of the Soul - St. John of the Cross
A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture - Douglas Coupland
Hope you check them out, definitely let me know about what you were saying I should read.
Talk to you soon, all the best.
John
Reply Forward (X) Christopher is not available to chat
to Christopher Kuffner
bcc john@eltrainent.com
date Jan 8, 2008 10:33 AM
subject The limits of a Dual-world, and other tales...
mailed-by eltrainent.com
Chris,
Just wanted to shoot a quick email to "follow up" on the stuff we were talking about. It was REALLY refreshing to chat with someone willing to engage in such "heavy" stuff like the cosmos and the order of things, so while I don't think it happened by chance, I still feel inclined to say thank you!
I also wanted to say how impressed I was with your performance, as I always am. I know it sounds like I'm a kiss-ass, but honestly, I come from a pure place in me when I say that you're just a wonderful musician and person, and it shows together, on stage.
In my search for Great Truth, I've come across something else that is very interesting. The notion of a world made of duality, and the possibility through meditation, prayer, etc to transcend this duality is just fascinating. I was reading that the only reason we know what daytime is is because we have night. The only reason we know goodness is because we know badness. I guess that's the essense of Yin and Yang as well. Being one with the presence, absence, or co-presence of something seems to be very difficult, and the stuff I've been reading says that this is difficult enough for any man.
Yet certain people, attributes, ideals can transcend this duality, meaning they do not function on the same linear plane as one normally does. When this transcension occurs, the rules of earthly world do not apply, the laws of physics are not applicable, and the ability to move through matter, space, and time are possible. It is believed that Ghandhi, Jesus, Buddha, and a few select others were able to reach this height of awareness. They become one with other things such as Love and "The System" as we know it, which cannot be lumped into a "this-or-that" duality. The absense of love in not hate, nor is hate the opposite of love. Love exists on a higher plane than other human emotions or ideas, and that is why when it is shared, it is so encompassing and beautiful. The System we live in cannot be viewed in terms of duality either, and therefore is nearly impossible for a human mind to fully comprehend. For me, God is The System, for others, it is not. However it is viewed, there are clear signs of a higher plane of existance everywhere, and we just need to be open to such things in order to tap into their potential and benefits.
So to me, the deeper I go, the more I am faced with the question of whether I want to work towards this transcension. If so, there really is no turning back, and requires complete devotion and in particular, a change in the way I live my life. But it is something to think about. Do you want to transcend?
_________________________________
The other thing I started talking about with you was what true Nihilism is. It's not the anti-establishment cliche term to talk about people overthrowing government and rejecting spirituality, but instead I think it is a beautiful way to see and live one's life.
In a nutshell, Nihilism says that as a moral being, we have the responsibility to work towards a more prosperous humanity. To accomplish this, we must be willing to sacrifice the status quo if the status quo is not successful. More importantly, we are charged with the responsibility to change it. As enlightened men, we must be willing to throw away the mores and society that will ultimately downfall us, and start anew in the hopes that a better system will arise.
Now, that has more to do with government, but on a personal level, I have taken many things from this belief. First, Nihilism recognizes that simply putting yourself in a position to be successful is something to rejoice about. Just making something a possibility is cause for celebration. You've fulfilled your end of the bargain as a moral being, as a man.
Second, with this possible success on the horizon, Nihilism does recognize that there is a very real and possible chance for failure. Simply, once you make it a possibility, there is an element of chance that could bring about the undesired effect. But that is not something to feel badly about, and we must simply make another possibility possible. Whatever the outcome, we will have progressed from our previous position and continue towards a more successful experience and life.
There is no clearer example of Nihilism than in Imperial Russia, when the Intelligensia, the educated, young, middle-to-upper class men and women worked to overthrow the Tsarist government, and then let the people sort out government how they wish. Communism came about and ultimately failed, but the fact that a more prosperous Russia was in the realm of possibility means they succeeded.
How do you feel about this?
____________________________
Sorry for going on about stuff, but you seem like someone that could handle this type of thing. Hope this finds you doing well, and I hope we can get together soon to either talk to play music.
Here are the reads I was telling you about:
The Dark Night of the Soul - St. John of the Cross
A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture - Douglas Coupland
Hope you check them out, definitely let me know about what you were saying I should read.
Talk to you soon, all the best.
John
Reply Forward (X) Christopher is not available to chat
December 31, 2007
Two-thousand seven years, three hundred sixty-four days, twelve hours and 55 minutes.
Brandon Warren, Malissa Larson, Heavy Weather, myself, and others will all make a big dent in 2008. I know it.
I'm trying to book a show with Mari McNeil and Bass Reeves in Buffalo. Two of WNY's best. I am excited about it. Still trying to find a venue and a date, but they're both interested, so I think we'll get something great. I'm shooting for February 3rd, a Saturday, somewhere great.
Spent time with my friend Erin this weekend, as she visited. I think she really enjoyed herself, and even though I ended up not having a show, we had a good time throwing some beers back, watching football, and laughing. It was refreshing to hang with someone from home.
Brandon and I went to the Bills game yesterday, and it was a really awesome game and experience. We had cheesesteaks and beers and laughed until it hurt.
I'm very frustrated with alot of things right now. I'm losing confidence in alot of things, in a few areas of my life, and for the sake of my sanity, don't want to get into it on a public blog. I want to do and share and laugh so much, and not be clouded by negativity. I feel like I have less people in my corner, and those in my corner are sometimes in different cities, areas, regions, countries. I feel stale, like a has-been. Or a never-was. (so much, in fact, that I'm quoting "Mighty Ducks")
I go from hope to deflation so often now. I just want to succeed, be happy, impress people, and be a good man. I feel I can be all those, but I just need to be happy. Why do I seek all things at once?
Happy 2008. "And though I know I'll never stand a chance / here comes the jackpot question in advance / what are you doing New Year's / New Year's Eve? / What are you doing New Year's Eve?"
I'm trying to book a show with Mari McNeil and Bass Reeves in Buffalo. Two of WNY's best. I am excited about it. Still trying to find a venue and a date, but they're both interested, so I think we'll get something great. I'm shooting for February 3rd, a Saturday, somewhere great.
Spent time with my friend Erin this weekend, as she visited. I think she really enjoyed herself, and even though I ended up not having a show, we had a good time throwing some beers back, watching football, and laughing. It was refreshing to hang with someone from home.
Brandon and I went to the Bills game yesterday, and it was a really awesome game and experience. We had cheesesteaks and beers and laughed until it hurt.
I'm very frustrated with alot of things right now. I'm losing confidence in alot of things, in a few areas of my life, and for the sake of my sanity, don't want to get into it on a public blog. I want to do and share and laugh so much, and not be clouded by negativity. I feel like I have less people in my corner, and those in my corner are sometimes in different cities, areas, regions, countries. I feel stale, like a has-been. Or a never-was. (so much, in fact, that I'm quoting "Mighty Ducks")
I go from hope to deflation so often now. I just want to succeed, be happy, impress people, and be a good man. I feel I can be all those, but I just need to be happy. Why do I seek all things at once?
Happy 2008. "And though I know I'll never stand a chance / here comes the jackpot question in advance / what are you doing New Year's / New Year's Eve? / What are you doing New Year's Eve?"
December 25, 2007
Blog
My blog is getting annoying.
I feel like a street puddle. Stagnant. Growing old.
I feel that a chunk of those around me have lost perspective, and no longer value my friendship like they once did. I can feel it.
At the same time, I am closer than ever with a focused few. I truly value the time, effort, and relationships that have blossomed. I feel my pulse ease, my cheeks ache from laughing, every time I see them. Thank you.
My music career should never feel like something meant to fill in a gap of time until something else is going on, but I feel it is so, especially with those around me. I just released a CD, and I'm not sure why I feel so behind the ball. I guess the best way to put it is that I feel that perspective is getting lost, but not necessarily from me.
I am lonely, and have become jaded at the notion of having someone to share my life with. Jaded, I say, because anger is easier to place than hurt or doubt. I am not confident I will meet someone anytime soon.
I am happy for friends who have gotten engaged. It is a constant reminder that I am socially behind the ball though.
My life seems so full of promise and "up-side," but I don't feel it now. I feel tired, sad, and defeated. I feel I am losing friends, and I need to change my settings, surroundings, or social networks, and whatever might need to be done for my music.
The songs coming out of me are consistently my best work, and I am deathly afraid that no one will care. I feel healthy after a long stretch of being ill, and sleep well. But progress seems lost on me, like I was standing in front of a celebration and not allowed to participate. Or watching a parade. I've yet to make my mark, and I desperately want to. I just want to chance to do it.
My suspicions are heightened. My guard is up in New York City. I want to put the shield away.
I feel like a street puddle. Stagnant. Growing old.
I feel that a chunk of those around me have lost perspective, and no longer value my friendship like they once did. I can feel it.
At the same time, I am closer than ever with a focused few. I truly value the time, effort, and relationships that have blossomed. I feel my pulse ease, my cheeks ache from laughing, every time I see them. Thank you.
My music career should never feel like something meant to fill in a gap of time until something else is going on, but I feel it is so, especially with those around me. I just released a CD, and I'm not sure why I feel so behind the ball. I guess the best way to put it is that I feel that perspective is getting lost, but not necessarily from me.
I am lonely, and have become jaded at the notion of having someone to share my life with. Jaded, I say, because anger is easier to place than hurt or doubt. I am not confident I will meet someone anytime soon.
I am happy for friends who have gotten engaged. It is a constant reminder that I am socially behind the ball though.
My life seems so full of promise and "up-side," but I don't feel it now. I feel tired, sad, and defeated. I feel I am losing friends, and I need to change my settings, surroundings, or social networks, and whatever might need to be done for my music.
The songs coming out of me are consistently my best work, and I am deathly afraid that no one will care. I feel healthy after a long stretch of being ill, and sleep well. But progress seems lost on me, like I was standing in front of a celebration and not allowed to participate. Or watching a parade. I've yet to make my mark, and I desperately want to. I just want to chance to do it.
My suspicions are heightened. My guard is up in New York City. I want to put the shield away.
December 19, 2007
I have no lid upon my head, but if I did
You could look inside and see what's on my mind.
I write today awake and healthy. After travelling for 39.5 hours this weekend, driving a total of 1450 miles, playing music for a total of 4.5 hours, all on literally 13 hours of total sleep, I am feeling recovered and able to write here.
My record release was great. I don't know how else to put it. So very many people, making me their Friday night, all the record sales, all the good music with me. All the hugs, kisses, handshakes, well-wishes, compliments, stories, laughs, smiles, and drinks. A real homecoming for me.
I felt like I was up there to kick ass. To kick ass with my performance, blow some hair back, and make the room stop.
Fast forward, and a long weekend of travelling. I don't have the wherewithall to write about the release anymore.
I saw Ingy play, with Elliot, Chris, Bess, Allie, Ben, etc. She was great, and her shows sound no different than they used to, which is comforting for me. All the success she's had, and she's still singing the hell out of the songs as if she was playing the Trash Bar in Williamsburg on a Wednesday night for only me and Ryan in the audience. I've seen a much longer ride than most people in attendance last night, and I was so proud of everyone. Positivity. It's not just a great-but-wordy Stevie Wonder song. Ingrid was nice enough to put me on her guest list, so I could get into the show.
I sat up in the rafters, where I prefer to see a show, so I can do what I do best, observe. I kept thinking to myself, shit I could do this. I am just as capable. I play with alot of the same musicians. It wasn't anything negative or envious or jealous, just a realization that I am in the same company and class as this. I may not have yet had my day in the sun, but we are all in the same boat, I can see this kind of generation brewing and growing together. I may not have been with them from the start, and I may not be close to them all, but I know what I am capable of, what is inside me, and where I want to go, and that makes me feel like I belong.
I feel lonely quite often these days. I know precisely why, but there's little to nothing I can do. No quick fixes anymore, no half-assed attempts at kidding myself. It's time to rejoin the forces down there, the ones I can honestly say I grew comfortable around for so long. Toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble.
The songs I'm writing now keep topping each other. I'm very excited about getting them with the band. Who knows how it will all sound. "Stones," my newest one, already got really gratious and sincerely positive reviews in Canada, so I am optimistic that others will enjoy it. I wrote the end part for Elliot, not in a lyrical sense, but literally writing the piece of music, lyrics, and vibe to go along with a type of drumming he says is most in tune with his spirit. I am hoping he takes my idea, runs with it, shows off a bit in it, and plays almost animalistic and as natural as possible.
I wish I could rehearse with them all day. Like right now. WHAM into a song. It feels awfully good. Soon enough.
Probably won't write again until after Christmas, but who knows. Merry Christmas to you. Remember God is right by you, in the space between your Christmas sweater and your hairy tummy. Be thankful for your life, health, and wonderful people. And, take a moment to catch your breath.
John
I write today awake and healthy. After travelling for 39.5 hours this weekend, driving a total of 1450 miles, playing music for a total of 4.5 hours, all on literally 13 hours of total sleep, I am feeling recovered and able to write here.
My record release was great. I don't know how else to put it. So very many people, making me their Friday night, all the record sales, all the good music with me. All the hugs, kisses, handshakes, well-wishes, compliments, stories, laughs, smiles, and drinks. A real homecoming for me.
I felt like I was up there to kick ass. To kick ass with my performance, blow some hair back, and make the room stop.
Fast forward, and a long weekend of travelling. I don't have the wherewithall to write about the release anymore.
I saw Ingy play, with Elliot, Chris, Bess, Allie, Ben, etc. She was great, and her shows sound no different than they used to, which is comforting for me. All the success she's had, and she's still singing the hell out of the songs as if she was playing the Trash Bar in Williamsburg on a Wednesday night for only me and Ryan in the audience. I've seen a much longer ride than most people in attendance last night, and I was so proud of everyone. Positivity. It's not just a great-but-wordy Stevie Wonder song. Ingrid was nice enough to put me on her guest list, so I could get into the show.
I sat up in the rafters, where I prefer to see a show, so I can do what I do best, observe. I kept thinking to myself, shit I could do this. I am just as capable. I play with alot of the same musicians. It wasn't anything negative or envious or jealous, just a realization that I am in the same company and class as this. I may not have yet had my day in the sun, but we are all in the same boat, I can see this kind of generation brewing and growing together. I may not have been with them from the start, and I may not be close to them all, but I know what I am capable of, what is inside me, and where I want to go, and that makes me feel like I belong.
I feel lonely quite often these days. I know precisely why, but there's little to nothing I can do. No quick fixes anymore, no half-assed attempts at kidding myself. It's time to rejoin the forces down there, the ones I can honestly say I grew comfortable around for so long. Toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble.
The songs I'm writing now keep topping each other. I'm very excited about getting them with the band. Who knows how it will all sound. "Stones," my newest one, already got really gratious and sincerely positive reviews in Canada, so I am optimistic that others will enjoy it. I wrote the end part for Elliot, not in a lyrical sense, but literally writing the piece of music, lyrics, and vibe to go along with a type of drumming he says is most in tune with his spirit. I am hoping he takes my idea, runs with it, shows off a bit in it, and plays almost animalistic and as natural as possible.
I wish I could rehearse with them all day. Like right now. WHAM into a song. It feels awfully good. Soon enough.
Probably won't write again until after Christmas, but who knows. Merry Christmas to you. Remember God is right by you, in the space between your Christmas sweater and your hairy tummy. Be thankful for your life, health, and wonderful people. And, take a moment to catch your breath.
John
December 17, 2007
newly edited old post.
Wish Upon a Monarch [Sep. 7th, 200510:15 pm]
by John M. Schmitt
For the sake of this writing
I choose an extended metaphor
[So I guess you just won’t know
What I’m talking about]
But my message will remain the same.
When I speed home at night
I stick my arm out my window
Feel the aerodynamics change
As I shift my arm
I stare in silence
In front of me are the Pine Barrens
With disabled cars,
Remains of blown tires,
And so much history creeping in the Thick.
Very tired, the eyes burn
When the wind rushes into the front
This is nothing like driving in Buffalo
Nothing.
Never felt sleepy in Buffalo
Never felt weary
But here, I fight the urge to crash
Because of sweet slumber.
My mind wanders
To the same place as always
[So it never really wanders]
But metaphorically, wanders
Where all writings invariably end.
I pray, but
This is not the Supplication, Praise,
Or Petition prayer I learned about in school.
[I think God knows how great He is
And it’s a given that He know I think that also.]
In my belief system and mentality,
I also do not find frivolous prayers of petition
[God, help me win the lottery]
To be a worthy cause,
To be the Good Fight, if you will.
My issues are not of life and death
Nor of impending moral destruction
Instead I have been blessed from Above
And have no need to implore God’s power.
But I pray for one thing
One tiny gift
One spec of wisdom
Clarity.
I say “Lord, clear my mind up
I know all things in Your time, not mine.”
“Let me be wise, and follow my heart
and most importantly, Your Will.”
I sometimes recite a prayer I learned
Written by St. Ignatius Loyola
Founder of the Jesuits
Which asks God to “teach me”
To be a whole list of different, noble traits
All relating to service
“Know that I am doing Your will
And that You have done the same for me”
This is how I keep my head in order
My life, in all areas, needs to start and end
With the Holy Truth
And it does.
However, this is not an affirmation
Of things I hold dear
[I do that enough everyday]
No, the point is
I pray.
I pray as much as people daydream, if not more
And, speeding home, most nights
I pray to have this nervous feeling cease.
I feel like I have insects bouncing
Literally BOUNCING
In my stomach
I am an insect nite club
And everybody’s dancing.
There’s something to this
Because while I do not necessarily enjoy the intial onset
It is something I remember.
It is not painful
And that rules out any number of incidents
Associated with stubbing a toe, falling,
Scraping, cutting, chewing, swearing,
And so on.
No, it is not painful.
not at all.
Perhaps I’m nervous?
Did I forget something?
Did I turn that off?
Did I fill that out correctly?
Do I have my phone, wallet, and keys?
[In that order]
To answer: No, No, Yes, Yes, and Yes respectively.
So it cannot really be nerves.
Perhaps God knows what this is
[There’sreally no need for the word 'perhaps' in those statements]
And in my Mind’s Ear
I silently hear a whisper:
“Think.”
Fair enough. I will try.
I know this feeling
And I know the insects.
I’ve felt it only once before.
Only one time ever before.
Butterflies.
Monarch butterflies.
Bright orange, beautiful
Monarch butterflies.
Chugging around my insides.
Tickling, twisting, dancing sweetly
Monarch butterflies.
Poking at me,
Reminding me
Reminding me of why I set out
Set out writing in the first place.
There are few people in this world
I whole-heartedly trust
Trust enough to write for, about,
Or use any sort of extended metaphors for.
And really, while I speak of him/her
This is about me
Feeling something
Feeling alive.
This is about me wanting to do great things
To “Measure in Love”
To plug in, and connect.
So I pray.
For Clarity.
And God grants it, like He always does.
And looking at my stomach,
From up here,
Butterflies are dancing.
They’re dancing for me.
I think I like that.
Slowly, gracefully
The tiny one breaks away
And passes into sight
Cascading through me
Until it is in plain view
6 inches from my abdomen.
I’m so far beyond enchanted
To smile, or try to touch it.
I just exist.
The tiny one is here
For me, not I for it.
Breaking away, darting to my right,
It vanishes
And then Clarity takes control of my being.
But this is not over
Because there ahead of me,
In my Mind's Eye,
There in a black sweater
And brand new jean skirt
There sits the hurting,
Fallen Jennifer.
[Why such a sad, sullen thing
In such a beautiful happening?
God, why are You showing me this?]
She sits, unsure, with uneasy feelings
About what people can do to one another.
But yet, this is not a sad image.
It is not possible.
She may sit, sob, seemingly sulk
Nod, cry, and nod more
Sing, Laugh, and Reminisce
Fear, feel, and grow nervous
She may be more scared than ever
But here, in front of you, John,
Here tonight
Here with the Monarchs
Here in the Pine Barrens
Tonight
Yes, here
She glows.
She glows as a fire-fly,
As a phoenix glows.
She shares the deepest,
The darkest, most untouched aspects of herself.
The hurt that seemingly lasts
She shares it with you, John.
But it is not sad, nor is it hopeless
Because as I glance up,
I see her outstretched hand
She says “Here. I thought you might want to know.”
There is her Heart
Hurting, yet still beating
Still searching, still needing
Still terrified.
She gives it not out of romantic gesture
Or to “win me over”
But instead shows it,
With painstaking care
And a grace.
[all the while glowing...]
She shows me her heart
Out of Trust
Overcoming the fear in her mind.
I ask her: “What shall I do with it?”
But as I do so
I finally look up at her face
Radiating, iridescently glowing
She just smiles,
[She always smiles]
She laughs, looks away, and cracks:
“Ehh, just don’t tell anybody...”
Capped off with a wink.
I promise not to
...And the Monarchs start dancing...
Feverishly, with a purpose
They want me to know something.
Perhaps God wants me to know something.
Perhaps I want Me to know something.
It feels uneasy.
And Jennifer notices,
“What the matter?”
But there is really nothing wrong
In fact, it is one of those ‘epic’ times
When men recall 40 or 50 years later
Where they were, what they were doing
And who they were with.
And tonight, I am in the car
Speeding home
Alone
With Christine and the Monarchs.
No, I assure her, nothing is wrong
All is fine
All is more than fine.
The soundtrack kicks in
And frankly it doesn’t matter what it is
Because anything beautiful would work
But as I look forward
Jennifer looks back
Holding her Heart
So tenderly, so carefully
I ask: “You see the butterflies, Jenn?”
She nods, as they dance between us
As one lands on her lap.
It, too, glows as it becomes
A part of her now.
“They’re not here for me,” I tell her.
“These butterflies are here for you.”
She smiles, sweetly, and looks up at me
And she glows.
She glows.
The Monarchs glow.
Her eyes glow.
“Why are they dancing?”
And it is then,
In that very moment,
In that space between
Fantasy and Faith
Where every atom in my being
Knows the answer.
[Even God is grinning like a fool]
There, in the car,
In the Pine Barrens
With the windows down
With the wind
The burning eyes
The praying
The glowing Jennifer
The Darkness
The Monarchs
There is the truth.
Just say it!
“They're dancing, Jenn,
Because I love you.
The Monarchs, you see,
Are my heart,
And you make them glow
They are yours to do with
As you wish.
But they will always dance for you-
Always.”
And with that
Another ride home complete;
Another daydream at night;
Another wish upon a Monarch.
by John M. Schmitt
For the sake of this writing
I choose an extended metaphor
[So I guess you just won’t know
What I’m talking about]
But my message will remain the same.
When I speed home at night
I stick my arm out my window
Feel the aerodynamics change
As I shift my arm
I stare in silence
In front of me are the Pine Barrens
With disabled cars,
Remains of blown tires,
And so much history creeping in the Thick.
Very tired, the eyes burn
When the wind rushes into the front
This is nothing like driving in Buffalo
Nothing.
Never felt sleepy in Buffalo
Never felt weary
But here, I fight the urge to crash
Because of sweet slumber.
My mind wanders
To the same place as always
[So it never really wanders]
But metaphorically, wanders
Where all writings invariably end.
I pray, but
This is not the Supplication, Praise,
Or Petition prayer I learned about in school.
[I think God knows how great He is
And it’s a given that He know I think that also.]
In my belief system and mentality,
I also do not find frivolous prayers of petition
[God, help me win the lottery]
To be a worthy cause,
To be the Good Fight, if you will.
My issues are not of life and death
Nor of impending moral destruction
Instead I have been blessed from Above
And have no need to implore God’s power.
But I pray for one thing
One tiny gift
One spec of wisdom
Clarity.
I say “Lord, clear my mind up
I know all things in Your time, not mine.”
“Let me be wise, and follow my heart
and most importantly, Your Will.”
I sometimes recite a prayer I learned
Written by St. Ignatius Loyola
Founder of the Jesuits
Which asks God to “teach me”
To be a whole list of different, noble traits
All relating to service
“Know that I am doing Your will
And that You have done the same for me”
This is how I keep my head in order
My life, in all areas, needs to start and end
With the Holy Truth
And it does.
However, this is not an affirmation
Of things I hold dear
[I do that enough everyday]
No, the point is
I pray.
I pray as much as people daydream, if not more
And, speeding home, most nights
I pray to have this nervous feeling cease.
I feel like I have insects bouncing
Literally BOUNCING
In my stomach
I am an insect nite club
And everybody’s dancing.
There’s something to this
Because while I do not necessarily enjoy the intial onset
It is something I remember.
It is not painful
And that rules out any number of incidents
Associated with stubbing a toe, falling,
Scraping, cutting, chewing, swearing,
And so on.
No, it is not painful.
not at all.
Perhaps I’m nervous?
Did I forget something?
Did I turn that off?
Did I fill that out correctly?
Do I have my phone, wallet, and keys?
[In that order]
To answer: No, No, Yes, Yes, and Yes respectively.
So it cannot really be nerves.
Perhaps God knows what this is
[There’sreally no need for the word 'perhaps' in those statements]
And in my Mind’s Ear
I silently hear a whisper:
“Think.”
Fair enough. I will try.
I know this feeling
And I know the insects.
I’ve felt it only once before.
Only one time ever before.
Butterflies.
Monarch butterflies.
Bright orange, beautiful
Monarch butterflies.
Chugging around my insides.
Tickling, twisting, dancing sweetly
Monarch butterflies.
Poking at me,
Reminding me
Reminding me of why I set out
Set out writing in the first place.
There are few people in this world
I whole-heartedly trust
Trust enough to write for, about,
Or use any sort of extended metaphors for.
And really, while I speak of him/her
This is about me
Feeling something
Feeling alive.
This is about me wanting to do great things
To “Measure in Love”
To plug in, and connect.
So I pray.
For Clarity.
And God grants it, like He always does.
And looking at my stomach,
From up here,
Butterflies are dancing.
They’re dancing for me.
I think I like that.
Slowly, gracefully
The tiny one breaks away
And passes into sight
Cascading through me
Until it is in plain view
6 inches from my abdomen.
I’m so far beyond enchanted
To smile, or try to touch it.
I just exist.
The tiny one is here
For me, not I for it.
Breaking away, darting to my right,
It vanishes
And then Clarity takes control of my being.
But this is not over
Because there ahead of me,
In my Mind's Eye,
There in a black sweater
And brand new jean skirt
There sits the hurting,
Fallen Jennifer.
[Why such a sad, sullen thing
In such a beautiful happening?
God, why are You showing me this?]
She sits, unsure, with uneasy feelings
About what people can do to one another.
But yet, this is not a sad image.
It is not possible.
She may sit, sob, seemingly sulk
Nod, cry, and nod more
Sing, Laugh, and Reminisce
Fear, feel, and grow nervous
She may be more scared than ever
But here, in front of you, John,
Here tonight
Here with the Monarchs
Here in the Pine Barrens
Tonight
Yes, here
She glows.
She glows as a fire-fly,
As a phoenix glows.
She shares the deepest,
The darkest, most untouched aspects of herself.
The hurt that seemingly lasts
She shares it with you, John.
But it is not sad, nor is it hopeless
Because as I glance up,
I see her outstretched hand
She says “Here. I thought you might want to know.”
There is her Heart
Hurting, yet still beating
Still searching, still needing
Still terrified.
She gives it not out of romantic gesture
Or to “win me over”
But instead shows it,
With painstaking care
And a grace.
[all the while glowing...]
She shows me her heart
Out of Trust
Overcoming the fear in her mind.
I ask her: “What shall I do with it?”
But as I do so
I finally look up at her face
Radiating, iridescently glowing
She just smiles,
[She always smiles]
She laughs, looks away, and cracks:
“Ehh, just don’t tell anybody...”
Capped off with a wink.
I promise not to
...And the Monarchs start dancing...
Feverishly, with a purpose
They want me to know something.
Perhaps God wants me to know something.
Perhaps I want Me to know something.
It feels uneasy.
And Jennifer notices,
“What the matter?”
But there is really nothing wrong
In fact, it is one of those ‘epic’ times
When men recall 40 or 50 years later
Where they were, what they were doing
And who they were with.
And tonight, I am in the car
Speeding home
Alone
With Christine and the Monarchs.
No, I assure her, nothing is wrong
All is fine
All is more than fine.
The soundtrack kicks in
And frankly it doesn’t matter what it is
Because anything beautiful would work
But as I look forward
Jennifer looks back
Holding her Heart
So tenderly, so carefully
I ask: “You see the butterflies, Jenn?”
She nods, as they dance between us
As one lands on her lap.
It, too, glows as it becomes
A part of her now.
“They’re not here for me,” I tell her.
“These butterflies are here for you.”
She smiles, sweetly, and looks up at me
And she glows.
She glows.
The Monarchs glow.
Her eyes glow.
“Why are they dancing?”
And it is then,
In that very moment,
In that space between
Fantasy and Faith
Where every atom in my being
Knows the answer.
[Even God is grinning like a fool]
There, in the car,
In the Pine Barrens
With the windows down
With the wind
The burning eyes
The praying
The glowing Jennifer
The Darkness
The Monarchs
There is the truth.
Just say it!
“They're dancing, Jenn,
Because I love you.
The Monarchs, you see,
Are my heart,
And you make them glow
They are yours to do with
As you wish.
But they will always dance for you-
Always.”
And with that
Another ride home complete;
Another daydream at night;
Another wish upon a Monarch.
December 6, 2007
18 months ago, it all began.
I sit here blogging from 1275 York Ave. probably for the last time. Tomorrow is my last day working with Dr. Strong, and I'm not sure exactly how I feel.
Monday I begin a position at Human Resources, working in the Benefits Department for the hospital. I'm not really sure why exactly or specifically I decided to look elsewhere for another position at the hospital, but there are many factors. The stress and 'gravitas' of working with patients filled with anxiety, fear, and desperation takes a toll, and I am not of the right mind to continue dealing with it. I care too much. There is no thick skin on me, and I am blessed that I don't usually have to see the faces of the patients usually. But, Mr. M, Mr. G, Mrs. E, Mr. S - the patients that have touched my life the most, move me to tears. Especially Mr. S.
For the sake of privacy, I'll call him Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith was diagnosed with gastric cancer, and saw us in the beginning of this past year, like many patients. There was nothing entirely remarkable about him, and I worked just as hard on arranging his tests, appointments, and over the phone as I would with any patient. I do remember that he had no family whatsoever, no relatives, and his only contact was his parish priest. This is uncommon, but I have seen it before.
But then things really took a turn for the worse. Mr. Smith was found to have something in his bladder on scan, which was then biopsied and found to be bladder cancer. Now, this means that he did not have stomach cancer that just spread to the bladder, but instead, had a seperate, isolated site of additional cancer of another type. While this is not uncommon, it is relatively rare. I could not imagine the thought, if that were me. What do you do?
And then, Mr. Smith was found to have something in his colon. A biopsy was done of this as well. Colon Cancer. Again, this was not a spread of his bladder cancer or gastric cancer, this represented what is called a "third primary" cancer, another seperate site of disease. So this man had three different cancers, all churning and growing and dividing out of control. What would you do?
Well on one day, I needed to call Mr. Smith about his appointments. He had just been released from a hospital the following weekend, as all three of his known cancers started to really get at him. We wanted him to come in here, and possibly be admitted, so we could start to treat him better. So I called Mr. Smith, and the phone rang and rang. I was about to hang up when he finally answered.
I introduced myself, said hello, and he was very nice, as patients usually are. I said I was sorry for disturbing him, and asked if he had a few minutes to talk. He said I was not disturbing, and that is when he phone started to crackle with static. It became difficult to hear him, so he said he was "going inside" so I could hear him. I was shocked he was outside, a man that is so sick. He went on to tell me he hasn't had too much time these past few weeks to tend his garden, and today was such a beautiful day that he needed to be out there. He was very sorry for having made me wait on the phone. I asked him about his garden briefly, and he said he is cherishing every last minute out there, and how beautiful it all was. I gave him the information he needed, and he wished me a good day.
Mr. Smith died about a month later, and that day is never, ever, ever lost on me. Even now, a 24 year old man is sitting at work and bawling. His garden. Three cancers. Not a care in the world. Not a person around with him. And yet, I feel I have always been with Mr. Smith since then, that somehow he spoke to me on a soul-soul level, not just through a telephone. God blessed him with a beautiful day, and he really took advantage.
Mr. Smith lived more in that one day that I ever have. In his death, there is life, and how fitting. I am really not doing it justice, but I really hope this rings true for all who read this. A very holy man he was.
There are dozens of stories like these that I have, things I am taking with me as I go forward. I feel Dr. Strong and I function on the level of friends now, as much as it could be given that I assist her. I have made friends in the office, with Maria, Scott, Liza, Linda, and Harriet, and I am off on my own path again on Monday. I am sad now about it, but I know it is ultimately for the best.
This was my first job after school, the place that plucked me out of unemployed obscurity not a moment to soon, and made the rest of my life, the idea of living my dream, a reality. I am still under its umbrella, but it will certainly not be the same anymore. The Mr. Smith stories will no longer be going on, but there will also no longer be the intense stress and anxiety that comes with this job as well. I am blessed to have been here with these people, and it is time to move on.
I don't have it in me right now to talk about my music. I'm excited more than you know, but it would take up too much time here. More soon on all that.
Enjoy your gardens people, enjoy them as healthy, happy, people. With the bees, sunshine, dirt, and bird-chirps, we have all been blessed. Thank you, Mr. S, for showing me through your life in action.
Monday I begin a position at Human Resources, working in the Benefits Department for the hospital. I'm not really sure why exactly or specifically I decided to look elsewhere for another position at the hospital, but there are many factors. The stress and 'gravitas' of working with patients filled with anxiety, fear, and desperation takes a toll, and I am not of the right mind to continue dealing with it. I care too much. There is no thick skin on me, and I am blessed that I don't usually have to see the faces of the patients usually. But, Mr. M, Mr. G, Mrs. E, Mr. S - the patients that have touched my life the most, move me to tears. Especially Mr. S.
For the sake of privacy, I'll call him Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith was diagnosed with gastric cancer, and saw us in the beginning of this past year, like many patients. There was nothing entirely remarkable about him, and I worked just as hard on arranging his tests, appointments, and over the phone as I would with any patient. I do remember that he had no family whatsoever, no relatives, and his only contact was his parish priest. This is uncommon, but I have seen it before.
But then things really took a turn for the worse. Mr. Smith was found to have something in his bladder on scan, which was then biopsied and found to be bladder cancer. Now, this means that he did not have stomach cancer that just spread to the bladder, but instead, had a seperate, isolated site of additional cancer of another type. While this is not uncommon, it is relatively rare. I could not imagine the thought, if that were me. What do you do?
And then, Mr. Smith was found to have something in his colon. A biopsy was done of this as well. Colon Cancer. Again, this was not a spread of his bladder cancer or gastric cancer, this represented what is called a "third primary" cancer, another seperate site of disease. So this man had three different cancers, all churning and growing and dividing out of control. What would you do?
Well on one day, I needed to call Mr. Smith about his appointments. He had just been released from a hospital the following weekend, as all three of his known cancers started to really get at him. We wanted him to come in here, and possibly be admitted, so we could start to treat him better. So I called Mr. Smith, and the phone rang and rang. I was about to hang up when he finally answered.
I introduced myself, said hello, and he was very nice, as patients usually are. I said I was sorry for disturbing him, and asked if he had a few minutes to talk. He said I was not disturbing, and that is when he phone started to crackle with static. It became difficult to hear him, so he said he was "going inside" so I could hear him. I was shocked he was outside, a man that is so sick. He went on to tell me he hasn't had too much time these past few weeks to tend his garden, and today was such a beautiful day that he needed to be out there. He was very sorry for having made me wait on the phone. I asked him about his garden briefly, and he said he is cherishing every last minute out there, and how beautiful it all was. I gave him the information he needed, and he wished me a good day.
Mr. Smith died about a month later, and that day is never, ever, ever lost on me. Even now, a 24 year old man is sitting at work and bawling. His garden. Three cancers. Not a care in the world. Not a person around with him. And yet, I feel I have always been with Mr. Smith since then, that somehow he spoke to me on a soul-soul level, not just through a telephone. God blessed him with a beautiful day, and he really took advantage.
Mr. Smith lived more in that one day that I ever have. In his death, there is life, and how fitting. I am really not doing it justice, but I really hope this rings true for all who read this. A very holy man he was.
There are dozens of stories like these that I have, things I am taking with me as I go forward. I feel Dr. Strong and I function on the level of friends now, as much as it could be given that I assist her. I have made friends in the office, with Maria, Scott, Liza, Linda, and Harriet, and I am off on my own path again on Monday. I am sad now about it, but I know it is ultimately for the best.
This was my first job after school, the place that plucked me out of unemployed obscurity not a moment to soon, and made the rest of my life, the idea of living my dream, a reality. I am still under its umbrella, but it will certainly not be the same anymore. The Mr. Smith stories will no longer be going on, but there will also no longer be the intense stress and anxiety that comes with this job as well. I am blessed to have been here with these people, and it is time to move on.
I don't have it in me right now to talk about my music. I'm excited more than you know, but it would take up too much time here. More soon on all that.
Enjoy your gardens people, enjoy them as healthy, happy, people. With the bees, sunshine, dirt, and bird-chirps, we have all been blessed. Thank you, Mr. S, for showing me through your life in action.
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