Amtrak and April 1, 2007, a retrospective.

date
Apr 1, 2007 4:28 PM

subject
Re: email - part uno.

"I'm writing you on the train today
Speckled rain drops wipe the grime off the window
I draw the shades because the daylight does not feel so redeeming
I listen to songs that make my head swirl
And with chord progressions take me to the heights of human awareness

There is no set time for my return, as there usually is
I will have to brave most of the summer in South Brooklyn
I've never felt more 'in my body' than recently
I feel and cherish every hair, scab, iris
Your writing speaks to me, or through me
My mind need not filter it as I would normally do

You speak of the real me, my naivety and half-attempt at wisdom
I feel tormented by things bigger than me
I feel blessed at the same time, if that makes sense
And every new song that enters me today
Makes me want to show everyone so many things

I desire to be loved, I tell myself repeatedly
I want love in my life

I write words for what will be my opus
"Be content in who you are /
Be content that your might not necessarily go far /
But you'll try anyway"
Am I the only one who realizes what that means?

Everyone sleeps on the train
We always sleep on the way home

I want to write Freedom
To scream at the tops of the highest,
Most spectacular places
To proclaim it, and live it
Freedom in its purest form
In its truest form
I want to stand above everyone
Look down, see the Free
And love them.

"All the sights of Paris / Pale inside your iris"
The head swirls again.
Rufus
It has been so long since I have felt what true love is

I hear you speak of your worries of finding a man
And it seems unreasonably pessimistic
Because you are the Beacon
You give me hope
That there is another kind soul
Walking around the other side of the island
And when we cross paths
It is good. It is very good.
And I haven't needed to think very much past that level.

Please do not feel anxious anymore
You are worthy of everything you want
And I feel it being drawn to you.

This week, Easter
I had wished to be at a better place with God by now
Palm Sunday, the Passion read at Mass
The party favors we get to take home and hang up
Remind us we have a part in the nails and wood
I want to feel close to God again
And I was just a short time ago
I can be close to God
And I hope Easter can bring me into His favor
I would love to share Easter with you
Let me know if you are interested

I haven't been able to bare myself to anyone in so long
And it fucked me up at the time
But you are always so kind, so understanding
And you accept me unequivocally
I don't feel embarassed to say
I am a Man of God
Or that I get scared of so much
It never shakes you from my corner
Thank you.

Sending thoughts somewhere south of Syracuse"