Shuffles his backpack, wears it
Backwards on his front
So the books won't hurt his back
September 16, 2013
September 11, 2013
The Tina Effect
Tina is the name of the first woman in New York that I asked out following my difficult breakup with Lucy. She was pretty, quirky, she liked the same music as me, and made me laugh, and so I decided to ask her to dinner.
After four dates, it seemed forced and strange. She kept agreeing to see me, kept letting me pay for dinner, kept laughing and saying she had a great time, and also never showed me signs that her interest increased beyond that surface stuff.
And she was doing me a great service, because I didn’t really like Tina. She did this strange animal voice and rudely cut off conversation. I also wasn’t that physically attracted to her. This isn’t a knock to her, she’s pretty, just not the person I saw myself desiring and wanting that I expect as a potential partner.
Yet through this I persisted. I agreed to a fifth date, I talked to her friends, I kept going on and on and eventually went ahead and kissed her. It was uneventful and not passionate. I was trying so hard for a woman I didn’t want, who didn’t want me, who allowed me to pursue her, while I myself did not want to pursue her.
And then comes the crux of the situation - Tina says she doesn’t feel the spark “physically” that she really needs and thinks we should be friends. Well, exactly. Same here. But somehow I got offended. I got hurt slightly. My pride, more than anything, got wounded. But why?! This is a woman I did not want, who I did not even lust after, who I found to be mildly frustrating. Why?
Because Me dating is a performance. No different than being on a stage acting out lines. I say things I have never, ever said to people while I’m on a date. Phrases like “fair point, fair point” I say when a woman says something I blatantly disagree with, so as not to stir the pot. I have never uttered those words in conversation, ever! Louis C.K. says men are 8 guys in one on a date, and he’s right. It’s so hard to feel comfortable in my own skin when I’m with a woman, because I immediately feel she wants me to dance like a fool on stage, “dance, monkey, dance!” “Show me why I should like you.” The pressure is on me to impress them, not the other way around. The power sits with them, and I pay for everything, never try to be confrontational, and am this vanilla and nondescript nice guy, who isn’t heavily one thing or another, and tries to downplay his own accomplishments and passions, under the expectation that I might be coming off as a braggart.
They, meanwhile, in my view, can sit back as the Don Corleone of the situation and decide whether or not to invest in me. I’m the pharmaceutical salesman of the dating world. She doesn’t squirm, she doesn’t waver, she speaks confidently about her life and her passions, states her opinions on topics, and doesn’t care if I’m not familiar with them. She knows I’m pursuing and therefore sits back and gets pursued.
I’m not angry or upset about this phenomenon, because I create it. I set up that dichotomy and perpetuate it over the course of a few dates. I set up the situation where I have never been myself on a date, not even for an instance, and she in turn is pretty sure that she doesn’t like who I am or isn’t sure who I am. She knows, however, that I’m a good guy, and she’s right. I know I’m one of the all-time good ones. And in life I’m on point with so many things that are important to me, and I’m successful and ambitious. But it never comes through, because I was too busy performing.
Because I’m performing, I want to please whomever I’m acting for, and in the case here, it’s Tina. So a rejection by Tina is a rejection of my own dating style, the person I worked so hard to project, but was never really me. It led me to pursue women (there are a bunch more, trust me) who I didn’t really want, who are perfectly nice and attractive, but not for me. There’s nothing wrong with them, but they are not right for me. Nor am I for them. But I always persist.
I don’t know how to stop the Tina Effect. Maybe I never will. I always know my encounters with women go better when I’m surrounded by friends, because I can be myself, snarky, darkly funny, and passionate. They can see me get out of my seat because of a song lyric or movie quote. I can gesticulate and sing and point at others. I can be me: loud, observant, funny me. I don’t worry about being “found out” to be a chubby unsuccessful loser, something I act on a date to avoid (it’s also not true).
I think the real byproduct of the Tina Effect on me is I’m 30 and single, and nearly everyone else around me is not. It’s not the worst thing, because I am totally free to come and go, but I definitely long to share my life with someone, well, the right one. And my biggest regret this year is letting a few really quality women fall through my fingertips because I haven’t been able to move past the Tina Effect. I have been so busy performing that I never got the chance to enjoy their company, to soak in the present moment, and see for myself how I felt. In turn, they politely declined to see me again. I had it coming.
After four dates, it seemed forced and strange. She kept agreeing to see me, kept letting me pay for dinner, kept laughing and saying she had a great time, and also never showed me signs that her interest increased beyond that surface stuff.
And she was doing me a great service, because I didn’t really like Tina. She did this strange animal voice and rudely cut off conversation. I also wasn’t that physically attracted to her. This isn’t a knock to her, she’s pretty, just not the person I saw myself desiring and wanting that I expect as a potential partner.
Yet through this I persisted. I agreed to a fifth date, I talked to her friends, I kept going on and on and eventually went ahead and kissed her. It was uneventful and not passionate. I was trying so hard for a woman I didn’t want, who didn’t want me, who allowed me to pursue her, while I myself did not want to pursue her.
And then comes the crux of the situation - Tina says she doesn’t feel the spark “physically” that she really needs and thinks we should be friends. Well, exactly. Same here. But somehow I got offended. I got hurt slightly. My pride, more than anything, got wounded. But why?! This is a woman I did not want, who I did not even lust after, who I found to be mildly frustrating. Why?
Because Me dating is a performance. No different than being on a stage acting out lines. I say things I have never, ever said to people while I’m on a date. Phrases like “fair point, fair point” I say when a woman says something I blatantly disagree with, so as not to stir the pot. I have never uttered those words in conversation, ever! Louis C.K. says men are 8 guys in one on a date, and he’s right. It’s so hard to feel comfortable in my own skin when I’m with a woman, because I immediately feel she wants me to dance like a fool on stage, “dance, monkey, dance!” “Show me why I should like you.” The pressure is on me to impress them, not the other way around. The power sits with them, and I pay for everything, never try to be confrontational, and am this vanilla and nondescript nice guy, who isn’t heavily one thing or another, and tries to downplay his own accomplishments and passions, under the expectation that I might be coming off as a braggart.
They, meanwhile, in my view, can sit back as the Don Corleone of the situation and decide whether or not to invest in me. I’m the pharmaceutical salesman of the dating world. She doesn’t squirm, she doesn’t waver, she speaks confidently about her life and her passions, states her opinions on topics, and doesn’t care if I’m not familiar with them. She knows I’m pursuing and therefore sits back and gets pursued.
I’m not angry or upset about this phenomenon, because I create it. I set up that dichotomy and perpetuate it over the course of a few dates. I set up the situation where I have never been myself on a date, not even for an instance, and she in turn is pretty sure that she doesn’t like who I am or isn’t sure who I am. She knows, however, that I’m a good guy, and she’s right. I know I’m one of the all-time good ones. And in life I’m on point with so many things that are important to me, and I’m successful and ambitious. But it never comes through, because I was too busy performing.
Because I’m performing, I want to please whomever I’m acting for, and in the case here, it’s Tina. So a rejection by Tina is a rejection of my own dating style, the person I worked so hard to project, but was never really me. It led me to pursue women (there are a bunch more, trust me) who I didn’t really want, who are perfectly nice and attractive, but not for me. There’s nothing wrong with them, but they are not right for me. Nor am I for them. But I always persist.
I don’t know how to stop the Tina Effect. Maybe I never will. I always know my encounters with women go better when I’m surrounded by friends, because I can be myself, snarky, darkly funny, and passionate. They can see me get out of my seat because of a song lyric or movie quote. I can gesticulate and sing and point at others. I can be me: loud, observant, funny me. I don’t worry about being “found out” to be a chubby unsuccessful loser, something I act on a date to avoid (it’s also not true).
I think the real byproduct of the Tina Effect on me is I’m 30 and single, and nearly everyone else around me is not. It’s not the worst thing, because I am totally free to come and go, but I definitely long to share my life with someone, well, the right one. And my biggest regret this year is letting a few really quality women fall through my fingertips because I haven’t been able to move past the Tina Effect. I have been so busy performing that I never got the chance to enjoy their company, to soak in the present moment, and see for myself how I felt. In turn, they politely declined to see me again. I had it coming.
September 6, 2013
On Teaching, updated
John Schmitt
Personal Statement
Masters of Arts, Adolescent Education – Social Studies
In March of this year, I left my life as a successful musician and songwriter living in Brooklyn to spend 4 weeks walking the Camino de Santiago in northern Spain. During this time I walked over 500 miles in rural villages, climbed a dozen mountains, made friends with people from all over the world, and experienced more living in 4 weeks than most do in forty years.
One day in particular, I was due to climb the mountain O Cebreiro, the most daunting and famous ascent on the Camino. The night before I had learned of the bombing at the Boston Marathon, and the tragedy weighed on me in a palpable way, so much in fact that I insisted on walking alone that day. I had taken up distance running less than a year ago, and the running community had welcomed my friends in America and me with open arms; we had enveloped our lives in a culture of positivity, health, and support. That the very community I had come to cherish was the one attacked by an act of terrorism only made the tragedy sting more. I decided to “carry” my running friends and community with me, both in thought and prayer, and ascend mighty O Cebreiro.
After 5 miles of relentless climbing, I reached the top of the mountain, and the vast expanse of Galicia lay out in front of me. I thought of all the dreams cut short today, not just in loss of life and injury, but those who had trained for years to triumph in Boston, only to have the race stopped and marred by this senseless act. At the same time I thought of a discussion I’d had with another pilgrim who told me the most important thing one must do upon completing the Camino is to take the lessons home with you, to be the change you wanted to see in others.
In that moment atop O Cebreiro, I vowed to be an instrument of change in this world, to work to educate children on the lessons of the past, and to get to work on it as soon as I got back. I would be a history teacher so this sort of thing might stop happening, so that our children can possibly break the cycle of killing and fear.
My favorite teachers in both high school and college were all history teachers who instilled in me a great understanding of historical cause-and-effect. I learned that by understanding the lessons of the past, as they relate to the present, we can shape and hopefully better our future. I believe the role of social studies educators is crucial in helping form this better future, and I know that this is my calling in life.
Current educators and teachers that I know have told me that this is "not the time" to get into the profession. Instead of deterring me, this sentiment only fuels my desire to take up the challenge of educating our children at a time when budgets, resources, and opportunities seem to be less and less. Now more than ever, we have a duty to ensure that the students are always our main focus so we can continue to better their futures.
Upon obtaining my Masters of Arts in Adolescent Education in Social Studies, along with my New York State Teachers Certification, I will begin work immediately on educating our youth and use my talents in music to enhance the classroom experience. I will also volunteer my talents and experience with distance running and baseball to coach students and promote an active lifestyle after school.
In every encounter of my professional life, whether it be volunteering at Mt. Sinai Hospital playing music for the Pediatric Floor, my work as a music teacher in Palo Alto, CA, or time spent amongst my wonderfully large family, I have found an absolute love of and connection with children. I am motivated by their positive energy, have a great affinity for watching them blossom and grow, and want to be a part of that process. I wish not only to educate them academically but seek to be a supportive role model and mentor. Through my work I hope to stay true to the promise I made to myself atop O Cebreiro many weeks ago: to better our world, one child at a time.
Personal Statement
Masters of Arts, Adolescent Education – Social Studies
In March of this year, I left my life as a successful musician and songwriter living in Brooklyn to spend 4 weeks walking the Camino de Santiago in northern Spain. During this time I walked over 500 miles in rural villages, climbed a dozen mountains, made friends with people from all over the world, and experienced more living in 4 weeks than most do in forty years.
One day in particular, I was due to climb the mountain O Cebreiro, the most daunting and famous ascent on the Camino. The night before I had learned of the bombing at the Boston Marathon, and the tragedy weighed on me in a palpable way, so much in fact that I insisted on walking alone that day. I had taken up distance running less than a year ago, and the running community had welcomed my friends in America and me with open arms; we had enveloped our lives in a culture of positivity, health, and support. That the very community I had come to cherish was the one attacked by an act of terrorism only made the tragedy sting more. I decided to “carry” my running friends and community with me, both in thought and prayer, and ascend mighty O Cebreiro.
After 5 miles of relentless climbing, I reached the top of the mountain, and the vast expanse of Galicia lay out in front of me. I thought of all the dreams cut short today, not just in loss of life and injury, but those who had trained for years to triumph in Boston, only to have the race stopped and marred by this senseless act. At the same time I thought of a discussion I’d had with another pilgrim who told me the most important thing one must do upon completing the Camino is to take the lessons home with you, to be the change you wanted to see in others.
In that moment atop O Cebreiro, I vowed to be an instrument of change in this world, to work to educate children on the lessons of the past, and to get to work on it as soon as I got back. I would be a history teacher so this sort of thing might stop happening, so that our children can possibly break the cycle of killing and fear.
My favorite teachers in both high school and college were all history teachers who instilled in me a great understanding of historical cause-and-effect. I learned that by understanding the lessons of the past, as they relate to the present, we can shape and hopefully better our future. I believe the role of social studies educators is crucial in helping form this better future, and I know that this is my calling in life.
Current educators and teachers that I know have told me that this is "not the time" to get into the profession. Instead of deterring me, this sentiment only fuels my desire to take up the challenge of educating our children at a time when budgets, resources, and opportunities seem to be less and less. Now more than ever, we have a duty to ensure that the students are always our main focus so we can continue to better their futures.
Upon obtaining my Masters of Arts in Adolescent Education in Social Studies, along with my New York State Teachers Certification, I will begin work immediately on educating our youth and use my talents in music to enhance the classroom experience. I will also volunteer my talents and experience with distance running and baseball to coach students and promote an active lifestyle after school.
In every encounter of my professional life, whether it be volunteering at Mt. Sinai Hospital playing music for the Pediatric Floor, my work as a music teacher in Palo Alto, CA, or time spent amongst my wonderfully large family, I have found an absolute love of and connection with children. I am motivated by their positive energy, have a great affinity for watching them blossom and grow, and want to be a part of that process. I wish not only to educate them academically but seek to be a supportive role model and mentor. Through my work I hope to stay true to the promise I made to myself atop O Cebreiro many weeks ago: to better our world, one child at a time.
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