Old Friends

its the strangest thing
to be rapt or wrapped from afar
and not desire
but hold campaigns of forlorn enchantment
in my inner workings

we're all rooting for you babe.
on a cerebral level, rooting.
i mean, i ain't buying you a gift or something
but the crux of it is this:
when you stop loving
you'd like to think you both are in the same boat.

you'd like to think that everyone's in there
back to the girl who wanted to kiss you at age 12
but you thought kissing was a bit much
and an altogether scary prospect, and you decline
much to her embarassment
and your own-ass-kicking at an older age
you ran into this girl three years later
having garnered new friends
confidence and arrogance
and sense of humor
to see she's not doing so hot
she still has braces
and ultimately, she's struck by seeing you
she's GOT to be single
just like you

the same boat like your friends in the big city
all over
who don't "have time" to bother with dating or anything
and yet you always end up on the same topic
on how you just want someone
to love you
when you get home
you all paddle, paddle, paddle...

there's a comfort in knowing
that in your self-indulgent depressions and down spells
that when you dig down to visit your old pals -
the things that elude you
provide this hollow comfort
due primarily to familiarity

you see, we're all at the same level
we think
we're all shitty, afraid, and truly
fucked up.
we chase things that we may never catch
and discard and ruin what is too close
such is the life on the insatiable artist.

but i digress

i guess i always thought i was on par or further along
that's all
i don't want it back again
i don't dwell on it anymore
and would have never given it a thought
if i hadn't seen the correspondance by chance

congrats on being the new mrs. _________
im rooting for you
well, we all are
because we're still toiling beneath the surface
and we haven't resigned ourselves
to that life yet.

congrats on being the new mrs. ________
i'm rooting for you
because i've seen your inner-workings
and i loved the music it made

now if i could just move the fuck on
i'll fend off my old friends for another 6 months.